Love Journey with Jesus

Undeserving...

2011-07-27T15:43:00.000-04:00

That is the truth about my status and who I am in this world...All that I have and constantly receive are not given because of who I am, but because a Perfect God chose to love an imperfect being. Lately, I have been receiving a number of questions from the Spirit. Some of them convictions and others are for me to ponder. I invite you to reflect on them and may the Spirit guide you into all truth as you daily live, move, and have your being in God through Christ.

How do I spend time with God?
How do I make spending time a priority along the levels of eating and taking a shower?
How can I step away from routine time with the Trinity and make it exciting, spontaneous, and beautiful?
If God's majesty resides in me, how am I tainting it or allowing its full Glory to be revealed in and through me?
How can I live and walk in daily Grace, Fullness of Love with God in Christ by the Power of the Holy Spirit?

Transformed - Neille Francoise

Abandoned Self - Living with a Promise

2011-07-25T10:44:00.000-04:00

Fear has many dimentions that can extremely handicap a person. Sometimes the mere thought of failure prevents people from trying new things. Afraid to lose.

I dislike how the scars from past pain and frustrations somehow become fresh when I encounter new situations with seemingly familiar predictable outcomes. All I can hear in my head is "Here we go again...different characters, same story" so why bother. Setting an expectation tends to produce its reality. Afraid to try again.

Above all...I believe the worst type of fear is underestimating one's ability and inner strength. Instead of seeing greatness, one perceives weakness. Afraid to be...

Today while coming in to work, a thought occurred to me: "What would it be like, if I could live daily in full knowledge and awareness that since all things work together for GOOD in Christ (Romans 8:28) then ALL needs are met in Him, so why allow worry and fear into my mind and spirit?". Think about it...how amazing would it be to wake up each day with joy in abundance, serving others out of love, and not worrying about any situation because God's got you?...Easier said that done. We live in a world filled with distractions, temptations, and horror. Just as having faith the size of a mustard seed can empower a person to command and move mountains (Mathew 17:20), so too can a seed of doubt and fear terrorize one's soul. Whatever seed you have sow internally within your mind/spirit will produce fruit demonstrated by your outward actions...it is a matter of what you nurture and what you prune. Yes, God has got us and promises to do so always, but we are called to walk in daily faith of this promise.

Somedays its easy, especially when all is blessed and favored. But the days and seasons of the valley are the test of faith. Just as Jesus woke up before dawn to pray, so too must we stay ahead of our dark seasons and valleys, so that when they do come we can fight the good fight of faith.

Make today Your BEST day!

Awakening

2010-09-10T14:18:00.000-04:00

It has been a while but this time I have decided to do a new take of just writing and releasing and in a way giving back to me - Self-Love... Where have I been and where I am going are pretty long stories...all I know is what matters and that is now.

With God, there will always be seasons. Periods of intense joy, direction, hope, beauty...but then there are the "other" seasons. The ones we do not want to go through or would rather speed right through. That is the fatal error, because if you read the fine print, they are more likely to repeat themselves till we get the lesson straight. So here I am, though it hurts, I hold unto hope, I have Faith that Love NEVER fails, and that beauty remains.

Have you ever had those moments or days that it's such a struggle to be happy. Sometimes I pass it off as the monthly time blues, but what if the spirit is trying to tell us something...

I pray God to You today not because I am suppose to but because I need to...Let my heart be open to receive Your love this day. May that love transform my mind, thoughts, emotions, actions, and reactions. I do not want to possess but be free to give. I know that there are times that I may not feel love, but it does not negate the fact that I am ALWAYS Loved by You. As I revisited Derek Redmond's 1992 video again, I was encouraged to remember that You will never let go of me, even when it hurts and I cannot even stand...the promise is I am kept and held by you. Help me remember this and You always. Thank You God for another day of growth, of life, another day on my journey. Amen!

My Testimony - Where I've been, Who I am, and What I will become

2010-06-12T09:09:00.000-04:00

I can reference scripture upon scripture, pinpointing what you should and should not do as a Believer. How effective would that be in conveying the Love of an Awesome Maker? You would most likely turn a deaf ear to me saying "I don't need another lecture"...I believe that over the course of the stories in the Bible, we are moved from an external, ritualistic, and legalistic approach to God and faith, to an internal, relational, intimate faith (mind, heart, and soul). From the rules of Moses to the announcements and warnings of the major and minor prophets Elijah, Isaiah, Malachi...to the power of the resurrection through Christ and the gift of the Holy Spirit.

I was born and bred Catholic...raised in the church, mass servant, cadet of Mary Immaculate...the whole nine yards. I always had a heart for serving God and loving Him. At an early age I was committed to becoming a nun. My spirit always came passionately alive in the House of God. I was notorious for skipping school to go to church, to worship, and to serve...I adored God and everything about Him!... Then I walked away...Looking back, my Father's heart must have been deeply broken by my actions.

Life happened and I reacted by shutting down and closing up. I built a wall around me, around my heart, that helped seperate me from others and kept me numb from - My parents seperating and dividing the children, assaults from close family members whom I trusted, betrayal, depression, fear of failure, almost losing my mother twice...all these and many more I am sure you can relate to, became like a cancerous tumor within my spirit. People who try to help people like me often fail to realize that the walls we build took YEARS!!! Every block and layer of cement that made up my wall was a piece from a major life event that further alienated me from everyone and everything. Opening up to help would have meant having to wrestle with surrendering every block...At first it was about control and self-preservation and then later, I had been that way for soo long I did not know how to let go...it translated into seeking environments and people that would feed that darkness and re-affirm the need for a sealed-off heart.

I am sooo grateful for the Father's love for me. Who never forgets His promises or His beloved. He never let me go...even though I had turned away. I was lost in a void of depression, helplessness, anger, and despair...Through every dark episode, every hurtful reality...I failed to see my God reaching out for me. I was blind from being in the dark soo long that I had learned to just keep my eyes close. Having gone through I comprehend Romans 8 much more intimately...For some horrific experiences God allowed to happen in my life, I am grateful. They took my childlike simple trusting love to a real passionate wisdom-filled relational love. Those painful experiences He did not allow to happen...but out of disobedience on my part...He held onto me so dearly, preventing me from completely breaking and dying. I know what I know...that just as God pulled me out of a wreck involving my completely totaled coup and a tow truck...He can save me from Life's Goliaths...taking the good, bad, and ugly things about me and make them beautiful for His purposes.

No, I do not need to jump out of a plane to get an adrenaline rush...or drive a car 500mph for speed...Where I've been pumps me up for Where I am now, and excites me for where I will be in the future. I am grateful for being able to experience life knowing that My Father will NEVER let go of me.

This is my Love Journey Eternal. Praaise God :-)

Prayer Part 5: Your Will be done IN Earth as it is IN Heaven

2010-06-03T13:49:00.000-04:00

Your Will Father...Mathew 26:36-44

This is another life-long lesson topic but is of utmost importance. Do you often make plans for what you are going to achieve by when, only to realize that the "by when" did come...but the "achieve" never happened? Do you have hopes for the future, aspirations for greater things, ideas waiting to be realized...but here you are still waiting, struggling to believe, vacillating back-and-forth? Prayers of When God? How God? or even Now God! Petitioning in every manner you have been taught to pray, believing that maybe this time might be the breakthrough...yet you are still there...waiting...

I have been working with my Father in this area. This past Sunday I was able to attend one of the bestest church that targets young adults and presents the truth in a very relevant manner - Mars Hill Fellowship Church. As I reflected on the day's message, it hit me - total surrender is God's will. So I asked God, "I want to serve you but I find it difficult to surrender that which I do not yet have". My answer was found in James 4:1...the desires that rage within. This indicates that there are "fleshly desires" and "Godly desires" in battle within me, and the only resolution is to submit to God and give Him all my desires. Trusting Him that when it really matters, His Will will prevail.

Though I struggle, deep down my heart's desire is to please God and be obedient to Him. I pray that my life is led how He wants me to live, accomplishing His priorities, and giving Him all the Glory in every way. Thus far, this I know for sure - I have laughed till tears ran down my face and almost lost breath, I have experienced hurting pain to the point of numbness and depression, I have pressed to the point of almost passing out, and I have received unmeasurable undeserved blessings. Through it all, my God has been lovingly, protectively, passionately, generously, tenderly, kindly, and faithfully with me.

Today I am grateful for the raging desires, which bring me daily to my knees seeking wisdom and discernment. He has given me His general will in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 and as far as the specific what to do when, I am grateful that I do not have all the answers. I am forced to come to Him for my daily bread, because He knows my heart may have good intentions but left to my own I would soon forget like the Israelites...I may not know it all but my God does. I Believe Him and I Trust Him.

Let Your Will Father, not mine, be done in my life, in this earth...as it is in Heaven

Prayer Part 4: Thy Kingdom Come

2010-05-19T22:56:00.000-04:00

Since I began this study of the Lord's prayer, I have noticed that each study "part" tends to play out in real life during the subsequent week. During worship...oh,"Hallowed be thy Name"... it was a beautiful experience, praising God, love and passion and purpose were my daily bread. Then came part 4..."Thy Kingdom Come"...

I believe that The Kingdom of God is a state of being...for though we live in this world, we are not of this world. We have been born again and have a greater knowledge of the Sovereignty of the Eternal Kingdom of Yahweh. I can only imagine what heaven is like...with peace, love, joy, laughter setting the atmosphere where the Most High dwells. A place of pure perfection and with every heart drowning in the fullness of the Glory of God...but till that day comes, we are here... Called to be His people, to be faithful, to persevere, to honor Him, to love His creation to wholeness, to bring into reality His vision into our sphere of influence, and be Christ-like everyday.

The past couple of weeks, was filled with a series of tests and trials that led me to this conclusion: The Kingdom of God is a state of being. It was as if every day brought another problem or series of anxiety causing situations that tried to keep me worried the whole day. Yes I did keep in mind God's will for my life in Christ Jesus: Rejoice always, pray unceasingly, and in all things give thanks, but did I practice it in all situations = NO. After barely crawling through to the weekend, and making it to my prayer closet for succor...the Holy Spirit helped me replay the events of the week...illustrating to me how easy it was to be a part of the enemy's yo-yo games. He showed that everything involved a choice - to be and walk in peace, to radiate joy, to love despite feelings. But we are never asked to do it alone, for our limited power will always come up short...God promises Grace, Mercy, and all that we need of Him to honor Him.

When Jesus gave the Greatest Commandment Mark 12:28-34 I believe He was directing us to this state of conscious being, always keeping in mind God and others. Imagine a world where everyone is serving God and others...not a single person's needs will be unmet.

My Lesson learned for Part 4 is this, entering the Kingdom of God requires three things:Accept, Approach, & Allow
1- Accept and believe that it does exist, for it is available to you Mark 1:15
2- Appraoch it as children Mark 10:15 with simple faith and trust and joy
3- Allow it to do a work in us that produces good fruit as a testimony Mathew 21:43 all to the Glory of God

Yet again, another Selah or Praise worthy moment...A God who has made it possible for us to partake and sample of the inner workings of His Eternal Kingdom yet while we live in this world. Choose to bring His Kingdom in all areas of your daily lives...challenge yourself and ask for Grace. God will not fail you

Prayer: Part 3 "The Names of Jehovah"

2010-05-06T22:58:00.000-04:00

"Hallowed be thy name"

Jesus directs us to exhalt the name of God. First I will present a list, though certainly not exhaustive, of the Covenant names of God. Each time in scripture God gave a promise in the word, He sealed it with His Name or a revelation that speaks to His Character. For example: Moses was grappling with how God not only wants Moses to stand before Pharoah but to lead a nation...God stated what He intended to do and the outcome. He sealed it with greatest name "I AM WHO I AM" (Exodus 3:14)!!!

God is who or what He says He is....reflect on your life as you go through this list and see how God has been different things to you in different circumstances...Faithful when all, maybe even you, were faithless...loving, compassionate, vindicator, the strength when you were frail, the life giver when hope was but a memory...the only one who has and always be there...HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS ALWAYS!!!!

Jehovah Elohim - Eternal Creator (Genesis 2:4-25)
Jehovah Elyon - Lord most High (Psalm 7:17; 47:2; 97:9)
Jehovah Elohay - Lord my God (Zechariah 14:5)
Jehovah Jireh - Lord my provider (Genesis 22:8-14)
Jehovah Ropheka - Lord my healer (Exodus 15:26)
Jehovah Shammah - The Lord is present (Ezekiel 48:35)
Jehovah Rohi - The Lord my shepherd (Psalm 23:1)
Jehovah Tsidkeenu - The Lord my righteousness (Jeremiah 23:6; 33:16)
Jehovah Shalom - The Lord our peace (Judges 6:24)
Ehmet - Trustworthiness
Channun - Gracious
Rachum - Merciful, full of tenderness and compassion
Arek-aph - Longsuffering, not easily angered or irritated
Jehovah Hoseenu - The Lord our maker (Psalm 99:5; 8, 9)
Jehovah Mekaddishkem - The Lord our sanctifier......

And the list goes on and on... Who is God personally to you?...Therefore and rightfully HALLOW BE HIS NAME!!!!

As children of God, established in full assurance by the Blood and the mark of the Holy Spirit, we inherit all the covenant names of God given to Abraham, Jacob, Isaac, Moses etc...God is and so much more LORD and SOVEREIGN for all eternity...and yet He loves you and wants you to be His....That will always cause me to Praise His Name Above all!!! Blessings :)

Prayer - Part 1 & 2

2010-05-04T16:57:00.001-04:00

As we continue discussions or conversations on prayer, I hope you are as excited as I am to draw closer to God so His Holy Spirit can review wonders that will greatly amaze our souls!!!

Part 1 "Our Father"
In our earthly form we typically inherit a last name that is our familial mark. Your last name shows that you belong to a certain family or related group. When Believers are born again, we are adopted into the family of God Romans 8:15-17

Starting off with "Our Father" reminds us that we are all part of one family under one God through Christ. It also demonstrates that the approach is more intimate and personal.

Part II "Who art in Heaven"
We are called to remember the separation that does exist Isaiah 66:1

This is a reminder that God is set-apart and Holy, yet we can approach Him because He makes Himself available to us. Throughout scripture, God usually responds by stating that He has heard the cry of His children and comes to us... For instance, the Israelites cried out while in Egypt and God personally came down with a Plan for Deliverance Exodus 3:7

We were lost and separated from God because of the original sin and God came down in the flesh to save us as Jesus Christ.

The opening of the Lord's Prayer really puts things into perspective. We serve a God who is set apart and righteous...but yet is available to us - His Beloved. Just as I will always have unconditional love for my children, I can only imagine the love of God that would cause the Creator of the universe to jump off His throne, come to this earth to die for me so I could be free...even though I did not deserve it...

Our Father, who art in Heaven...truly you are God and there is none other like You! Your ways are beyond my ways, Your unconditional acceptance of a sinner like me, Your gift of salvation...Praise to You Great God Almighty. I enter Your presence with adoration, worship for a Father who always accepts me just as I am.

Prayer - Introduction

2010-05-03T13:20:00.001-04:00

So my Sister Circle decided to do a study on prayer. Why?...Well, because it is the essence of being a Christian. This is how our faith is built up and God is able to continue transforming us into the image of Christ. We started with one of my favorites and a "classic"...The Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13, Luke 11:2-4).

This is the KJV but feel free to select a translation you enjoy :-)

"9 After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. 10 Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. 11 Give us this day our daily bread. 12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen."

I believe that in and of itself Jesus gives us a template for us to model our prayer pattern. So I began leading discussions on the 9 portions of the Lord's Prayer with the following goals and objectives in mind:

Goal
1-Build a more intimate prayer relationship with the Father that mirrors what Jesus modeled to us.
2-Learn to connect with the Holy Spirit to guide us in praying continually.

Objectives
1-Digest the 9 pieces of the Lord’s Prayer over the course of the next few weeks and build upon our understanding of prayer.
2-Study the many types of prayers so we can individually get wisdom and revelation on the importance of prayer.
3-Practice and share testimonies of prayer exercises.

Feel free to join us in this inductive study where we will discover some personal truths and develop a prayer life that will honor God and truly change our lives!!!

My Heart

2010-04-23T14:17:00.000-04:00

Last week I undertook a challenge out of a response from being quite strongly convicted about my evasive tendencies to sit still in the presence of God. Why do we resist so much or find it difficult to receive the greatest love that we will ever experience??...

So I started a Purify Study, but rather than talk about my outcomes and lessons learned…. My desire is to encourage you to take your pulse, investigate the condition of your heart, and finally jumpstart it to beating full force with life and excitement for God. Take time to reflect on these questions, answer them in honesty, and discuss with the Father.

-What is in your heart?
-Do you have a foreskin over your heart?
-What is the outpour of your heart?
-What things or stuff do you keep in your heart whether good or bad? And how does this affect your relationship with God, self, others?
-How is your LOVE WALK? - Handicapped? Limping? Or Full strides?
-Is God kept in a box in your heart or does He have full total control?

The heart is a major vessel of life…directs blood flow to major arteries and organs throughout your entire body. You are a vessel that has been blessed with the ability to give life. The generations that will come from you are the hope…God’s hope for continuous lighting of a dark world. Many times we allow the enemy to string our hearts and play it like a yo-yo…I bellieve that submitting to God takes away our personal responsibility for our heart’s healing. At the end of my fast I realized my efforts at best always result in masking the hurt and often fueled by fear and other wrong motives. At first they may seem to succeed, but that desire, longing, wanting, needing for something to fill that void consumes and overpowers, resulting in evident failure.

My prayer for you is that God will give you Grace to submit your yearning heart to Him. May His Holy Spirit search your heart and flush out all that doesn’t belong. May the Love of Christ consume your heart, leaving no room for self. Causing an organic response of a heart that leads you to true self-surrender. May this Love overflow into all areas of your life and infects all those around you. That you will truly walk out God’s command of ridding "...yourselves of all the offenses you have committed [or have been committed against you], and get a new heart and a new spirit” (Ez 18:31). Relinquish the guilt of the past, relinquish past offenses, and take on your new identity. God promises to sprinkle and cleanse you…He will finish the work in your heart (Ezekiel 36:25-26). For the fruit of Love comes as a result of a Pure Heart, Good Conscience, and Sincere Faith (1 Timothy 1:5). Lay your heart on the altar, for you are fearfully and wonderfully made, you will forever be God’s Beloved, honored and precious in His sight…He made uniquely you perfectly…Never forget that…

Next week I’ll be sharing on “Prayer” or better yet “Heart-to-Heart” with God.

One luv (in Christ)
James 4:8

Problems...or Perspective???...

2010-04-15T17:31:00.000-04:00

You say you have problems, no one can understand???... Is it a matter of life and death?

You say no one understands the pressures and frustrations and the weight of the decision before you. Well atleast you have a choice... What do you say to a woman when the hospital says there's nothing we can do for your mother. Please take her home and request for at home hospice care. What do you think she goes through as she watches her mother die before her eyes... Still think you've got problems??...
J
What do you tell a child whose home is attacked by rebels, his father and siblings chopped before his eyes. What do you say when He is forced to rape His mother and then shoot her? Forced to fight a war that was never his but some how is caught up in it...still have problems???

Life is about perspective...an active, purposeful and spiritual determination that no matter what comes your way...rather than complain look to help another with far bigger problems than yours. The righteous ones of God are but transient beings, but while we're here we are called to live a life abandoned to God and believing in the shed blood of Jesus Christ... Perspective

On Vacation

2010-04-06T22:51:00.000-04:00

I know...I know...the hot topic of I am "Fearfully and Wonderfully made = unique ordinary me" will be posted soon...

So this past vacation break with my mum definitely reminded me of how fortunate and blessed I am to have a relationship with my mother, but more importantly a shared faith life. We worshipped together on resurrection Sunday and it was oh soo beautifull. I love when women truly worship, hearts open, freedom of love...it's incredible. I really believe that women have the heart of God, it stretches but never breaks, it rebounds and loves overtly passionately and sometimes secretively, but nonetheless it loves soo profoundly that I know God sees and can relate to...that is exactly where I lead to my blog topic "On Vacation".

I watched a Joyce Meyer episode as part of my reminder to enjoy everyday living, and she talked about Mathew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

She preached it in a way I had never heard. If you digest it carefully, Jesus invites us to find rest in Him when we are faced in trouble. Now imagine a rest to yor favorite guilty pleasure or dream place. Mine is an all expense paid spa retreat somewhere in Arizona or Thailand :-)The point is if we trust God's Grace to be sufficient in every situation, and we learn from Christ how to be like Him everyday, and we walk in gentility and humbleness of heart = victory and we wont get weary! The keys to kingdom living is taking a vacation in Jesus Christ. Trusting Him when a situation comes up and you cant figure it out...because seriously HIS BLOOD IS STRONGER!! Our God extends particularly to us Martha's rest in trouble and sameness in spirit in all that we go through. AMEN!!!

On that note, I am taking a vacation this week. Mentally chosing to trust God and to enjoy daily life simplicities like a fresh cup of coffee, warmth of summer, and having to depend on someone else :-)

Break time

2010-04-03T00:06:00.000-04:00

Alright peoples...my mummy's here for resurrection weekend a la girls style ;) So stay tune for revelations from our discussions that touch upon God's unique plans for us solely as women...unattached to a man or defined by our parental status...Fun times. Have a blessed weekend!!!

Fear

2010-04-02T00:15:00.000-04:00

I dont really mean to pick these heavy topics and do them little justice by skimming the surface...Fear...another topic that is a lifetime of study.

-What does fear mean to you?
-Can you recognize the patterns of control caused by fear?
-Is it oftentimes associated with helplessness? anxiety? worry?

Automatically that is what we naturally instinctively jump to when we hear the word fear. If you're like me, there's a quickening of the heart beat and an all too familiar overwhelmed, powerless sensation...suddenly nothing seems to go right and the fears have a reunion party...because I know I have been there before, I dread visiting and I wish it would be a drive by experience. But like you and I know full well...fear brings it's homies and cousins, lol.

One of my girlfriends asked me about one of the most prominent statements in the word "Fear of the Lord"...sends shivers and causes internal reverential trembling because we have seen/read what the wrath of God can do, especially in the Old Testament. I think it's interesting how God redeems things, words, people etc...Here we are familiar because of past experiences of the negativity surrounding the word "fear"...but God redeems it and associates it with himself...It's almost as saying "Let me be your fear" and we know that He is good and we can trust His heart always. Plus He promises throughout proverbs that we will be blessed by fearing him = wisdom and understanding (Pv 17,Pv 4:5-7, Pv 10:23).

How awesome a God who redeems things that hurt us and brings it back to Himself. All because of the finished work of the cross do we have undeserved Grace and Favor by a God who's love for us shows no bounds!

Heavenly Father, bless the reader of this entry. May these words sink into their soul and break strongholds that You, God, soo long to redeem for their good. I pray that You bring them to fullness of knowledge and revelation of You and their lives in You through Christ. Thank You. Amen

The Process

2010-03-31T22:55:00.000-04:00

That topic is a whole sermon in itself...but I will say this much, Going through "THE PROCESS" is always for your own good. The Process would be twice as short if we approach it with yielding hearts and a tender ear to God's guidance. While doing my daily practice of solitude (one of the spiritual disciplines), wrapped in my usual where is my life going, why am I here...the Spirit asked me that if God really did show me, would I be unlike the Isrealites and forget about the Giver? Though my intentions at the moment of the request were pure and honest, I'm thankful to a God who truly has searched and known me...that as much as I would want to continue to worship in pure surrender...it is less likely to happen when I already know how the story end...

This brings me to "THE PROCESS"...We go through to be strengthened in Faith yes--but we learn to be content with or without because at the end of it...Only Love Remains...Only God Remains. So the not knowing, the pain we wished were gone, or that the acne that has been part of most of my like combined with oily skin would clear-up...I am thankful for "THE PROCESS"...because of the opportunity to meet God in a new way and be transformed.

So whatever, you are going through...how badly or lonely or angry it feels...share it with the One who when He made you declared you to be "Wonderfully & Fearfully Made". He is the God of perfection, everything He has made is glorious in His own right. He is the one who is infinite in everything...He is your God, my God, OUR GOD!

Heavenly Father, I thank You for who is reading this and praying with me tonight. Your are Love and we know that full well...Reflecting on the Passion of Christ and the upcoming Resurrection Sunday, where nations will gather in one accord to proclaim "CHRIST IS RISEN!", I am reminded of the cost of my life. I am reminded of the nail pierced hands, the spear on the side, the crown of thorns, the horrific beatings, the weight of a cross on an already exhausted, tired, failing body...that was to be used for Your own crucifixion. I know You love me. You loved me to death. So I ask, God, that You will strengthen my inner being to stand the test and trials that come my way. I pray that in the midst of going through the process, I may find You seeing me through. Thank You that I am never forsaken. Thank You that Your hand rests upon my life and Your righteous Right hand will forever uphold me. Thank You for searching and knowing me in all I say and do. I love you Lord and I trust You. Amen.

It's All Yours but One Thing

2010-03-30T07:35:00.000-04:00

As I rode into work this morning reflecting on Ps 139...By verse 14 Revelation! I own nothing in this world, not my job, my car, the money in the bank...and certainly not my family or friends. It's all God's! He fashioned this world and owns it all. From the trees, the sky, all the money in the world to the intellectual properties... It's all God's...yet the one thing He doesn't lay claim to is what we oftentimes freely give to others but Our Creator = your love...

You would think out of all the things and people that compete for our love in this world...boyfriends, husbands, cars, careers, children ( feel free to add your own personal ones)...the one person who deserves it all is God. Sometimes I do take this for granted knowing that He will always love me...but just like you and me...our God longs to hear it over and over again, just like you and me,our God wants devotion and to feel special in our lives... Will you join me to spend this Holy Week, to just take a few minutes each day to say I LOVE YOU LORD.... That's a small offering compared to Calvary don't you think. Prayerfully, over repetition the Holy Spirit will bring revelation and deeper more intimate fellowship over those 4 simple words. God Bless!

Balance

2010-03-29T22:37:00.000-04:00

First off, please forgive me for not blogging...It has been a LLLlloooooonnnG break since blogging,lol... and alot has happened and alot hasnt happened. In terms of sameness...life was consumed by work and travelling almost every 2 weeks for usually a weeklong...I definitely learned first hand the whole life is a solo-journey and we are fortunate to connect and interact with people along the way. The blessings of these journeys have been just that...to meet people, to observe life as it happens outside of familiarity...the certainty of time passing.

The only way I can sum up the past two months is...life waxes and wanes, but through it all 2 Cor 9:8 and Tenth Avenue North's Times... Sometime we meet seemingly insurmountable obstacles that leave us overwhelmed and sometimes beaten, broken, and in tears...yea, 2 weeks ago...all I could write in my journal was "Today = I survived"... As I reflect on it, sure it seems like it was no biggie, I'm still standing...But going through it.. 2 Cor 9:8 was all I could cling unto even in tears, anger, frustration...

My Prayer for you is that when life starts taking swings at you...grab a hold of a simple scripture and stand full of conviction upon the fact that your GOD is GREATER! Nothing whether good or bad shall exhalt itself higher than the knowledge of Our Great God...Adonai, Elohim, El Shaddai, Jireh, Rappha, Shammah, Nissi...He is the Great I AM...an active, ever present, Almighty God who has promised to be Your God. Let Him show You how to balance in this crazy world and in turn discover the beauty of true surrender that leads to complete, total dependency :-)

Most Gracious God...Thank You that You are more than enough for every life's circumstance. Like the Psalmist says in 139, You know everything about me, my thoughts, my worries....but GREAT are Your thoughts towards me! Thank You for the trying days when all I can muster is a help me God and Your Grace sees me through. Help me remember that You called me and have equipped me for every good work. I thank You for helping me understand the value of perseverance and sharing in the suffering of Christ...Your Grace truly is enough. Thank You. Amen.

Life and Death

2010-01-23T22:17:00.000-05:00

I just watched "The Book of Eli"...it was kinda dry till the end when "WHOA!"...didnt see that one coming...but it really drove home purpose. Someday I do wish that my life will be soo tired and I'll be excited to truly go to rest with God. Knowing that I lived out with conviction and discipline the plan He had for my life...We are called to be faithful, resilient workers in the Kingdom of God as He continues to refine us, making us more like Christ Jesus...

Maybe I over read into things, but this movie got me thinking...I would risk anything to please my Father, even if it hurts because truly this is a daily walk with God...even with tears streaming down my face, even with fear in the shadows of my mind,...I know in my heart that I BELIEVE GOD...He made me and I am with Him daily, though it all...not with my mother, father, siblings, friends, co-workers...it's me and God. He is the only one in my life who has spent my whole life with me...He is the only one in your life who has lived it thus far with you...

What would it be like to live fully for God, what would it be like to take Him up on His offer of abundant life, what would it be like to go through fear, rejection, frustration, humiliation...if it meant foresaking all else, dreams, aspirations, desires and longings...but gaining immeasurable Faith and inner strength...I think it would be the epitome of life...living in constancy of character and Faith inspite of your situations and circumstances...God truly being the only one Stronghold of your life...

Father, thank You for Your good intentions towards me. Thank You for Your Holy Spirit at work inside of me...constantly opening my eyes to the truth of this transient world...to the truth of what matters: walking in love, loving justice, and being generous in mercy. For the rest of my days, may I live for You. May I surrender my will and way for Yours. And in difficult painful times, may Your Grace truly be sufficient for me. Thank You for helping me through this life...use me as you desire, for Your Glory. I love you and I trust You. Amen

New Season

2009-12-30T13:00:00.000-05:00

This past month is and has been a seson of NEWsies...New job, New state, New experiences, New EVERYTHING!!! But I think for me the best part is new relationship with my Heavenly Father...In a new town where I know no one but yet I am not alone. I love my job, I GET PAID TO ORGANIZE AND PLAN!!! For me that is the best job ever, to be busy...busy...busy...with a purpose and closing out projects and always striving to knock off things from your to-do list...Only God...

As I lay in bed last nigth having a pillow talk with my Father om the never-ending topic of relationships and friendships...He revealed to me I had not made Jesus Lord over my heart...I had made Him Lord over almost everything else, job, family, money, unexpected situations, etc...but not my heart. So...of course...after a heartfelt repentance, I truly asked Jesus to be Lord over my heart and I gave it to Him.

So with this New Year, I enter, yet again still single physically, but about to experience the best relationship of my life that will only be made manifest when Jesus choses to bless a physical union. I know God is a good God and He has a Good heart. He loved me to death, and loves me even more than I'll ever know. So I intend on the new year working on receiving that amazing, healing, fulfilling love and allow it to mold and shape me...

Dear Father, I thank you for your concern towards me. You are a gracious Father I know that full well, for I am highly favored and blessed today because of Your Love for me that endures forever. Just like clay I am determined to entrust my being, particularly my heart to You. I Love You and long to grow in intimacy and close fellowship with You. Thank You. In Jesus' name. Amen

Allow God to do a great work in you

2009-10-09T23:15:00.000-04:00

How precious life is and it is often wasted. We don't recognize its worth till we stare at death's door, looking down the path of no return...How amazing would it be to live each day with wonder, immeasurable grace in evrything, sharing love with loved ones and those random strangrs whom you cross paths with at various moments in your day...How amazing would it be to truly, actively chose to be ALIVE!!! That at the end of the day, it's not about what I have or don't have,...but it's about the number of lives I touched for the Glory of God....Your best 'why I serve God' or 'why I have Faith' argument is simply being all God designed you to be. Don't need a blow horn to announce the Gospel of Christ... Simply by living and practicing what you believe you have the power to turn your environment and atmosphere around you...Glory to God!!!

Today I'm thankful for life and God's goodness in protecting my loved ones.

God is interested in you

2009-10-07T13:59:00.000-04:00

Today's reflection: God is interested in me being productive...He is interested in me using all my talents and gifts to the fullest of my ability. Which makes complete sense since Jesus died to give me FULLNESSS of life!!! So why wouldnt God place me where I can grow in fullness? Why wouldnt He be as interested in me living out His purpose for my life? Serving God's purpose is the only effective way He can use me to the utmost yet while I live. But it has to be togethr with Him. I'm standing on His first promise to me (Hebrews 11:40). Glory to God.

Day 9

2009-10-06T07:23:00.000-04:00

I'm still a work in progress with blogging. It's just much easier with my journal since when a revelation hits I'm not always close to a computer...
What I've learned so far about God is:
-If you take Him seriously' He will show himself strong in your life. His word according to Ps145 is that He is near to all those who call on Him in truth.
-Nothing is impossible for God!!! Nothing is impossible for God!!! Hallelujah!!!! Seriously...there's nothing in the entire earth or spiritual realm that God cannot do...
-God listens, He cares, He answers...Can I wait and be patient for His timing for everything?

My Prayers have slowly evolved into desires to know God, to have His wisdom and perspective always, to glorify Him in my life. I encourage you not to limits your view and relationahip with God at the gifts and blessings. All that is wonderful, but go for the Giver himself and you will not be disappointed. See if He will not restore to you he joys of salvation, annoint you with gladness, and dress you with a garment of praise (Isaiah 61:1-3)

Day 4

2009-10-01T11:58:00.000-04:00

I missed Days 1-3 because of preparations for our church convention. Longs hours of physically and spiritually pushing through in dance. There were definitely points when I thought of taking a break after this convention...I essentially had no life, work 9-5, dance 7 till....yea...functioning on 5-6hrs of sleep, and somehow trying to fit in devotionals and time with God.

I'm reminded by one major Jesus question " What will it cost you to follow Jesus?"...It is easy to profess with the mouth, but when it comes to time to walk it out...well things dont seem as easy as previously thought. But praises to the ever-knowing and ever-present God, who sees each of us by name. He really does recognize our sacrifices for our work in His Kingdom in the midst of daily living...

For Days 1-3 I came to know God as my Strength and He provides Rest

For Day 4: God is my Encourager and He understands

Simplification

2009-09-16T11:12:00.000-04:00

So I'm going on a 1 yr simplification plan, part motivated by my reflection on where I was a year ago and where I am now and where I'd like to be. The 3 perspectives have helped me revisit some issues that I needed to get a grip on before moving. Amidst it all I've been brought to a place where I truly desire to move past knowing of God...but knowing Him at work daily in my life. So I prayed about it and the ever-wise Holy Spirit showed me I can pray all day to be like Jesus, but to be conformed in His image I have to apply the word in my life.

So for the next year, I'm taking a time out with the world to stay plugged in to God, the word, Christ alive in me, and the power of the Holy Spirit. I'm returning to that which I have been called back to for soo long...where my restlessness will stop.

To the best of my ability and the grace of the Holy Spirit, I'll blog everyday, even if it is just one sentence...a praise report, or prayer, or word,...anything. My Love journey continues....stay tuned

He took my place

2009-08-13T10:19:00.000-04:00

I've been suspended in this daze, amazing wonder of who God, Jesus, Holy Spirit are to me...I cant quite express it in words...But I'll try to give you the vision:

Imagine opening a door and walking into a room filled with smoke from sweet smelling incense that brings your heart joy, comfort, and relief...puts a knowing smile on your face and everything fades away. There are strips of sheer glowing white fabric, like perfectly cut veils, dangling from above and extending to the floor. Something ever lures, urging you forward, to gently push back the veil pieces, and continues to direct you. Don't know where you're going but in your heart you're certain it's the right direction. Something or someone so close beckons you to keep walking forward, to come...

That's me, I'm in a state of being lost to myself but found in Jesus's presence.

Yesterday afternoon God gave me this equation:

My Authority + the Power of the Holy Spirit
are
leveraged
by

Blood (Hebrews 10:19-25)
Name Above every name (Phil 2:9)
Eternal Word (Ps 119:89)

which results in = FAITH

Where Am I going?

2009-08-10T11:07:00.001-04:00

Dear Father,

With all due respect, where am I headed? What and when is the end to all this???... Why all these trials?... Part of me feels I should not be asking You these questions, but forgive me God. I just want You to know how hard living for You right now is... I dont doubt You Love me, I dont doubt You are Omnipresent and Omniscient, but it's just that I'm going down a road I have never been before. The life I left behind for You has popped up to challenge my Faith. I know the seed of doubts is questioning, which affects what I think, what I say, and how I act. So I have to destroy this right now to its roots as I present it to You.

I know saying "Yes!!" to You Jesus meant saying "No!" to the world and saying "Hello!" to trials. Learning to trust You, learning to seek You, learning to depend on You, and getting to know You...these are all the desires of my heart. I refuse to go back to where my life was before You mercifully pulled me out, back when it was just going in circles. Cycles repeating over and over, same story line, same ending.

But I cannot help wondering...I feel I've been right here for a long time. WHat are you trying to teach me that I'm not getting? Or am I suppose to just actively marinate in all this? I know in you every waiting season has a reason and purpose. Bear with me Father as I lay my heart bare before You, for I know in the end You are God and not to be questioned. I dont doubt Your ability God. It's just right now, my feelings and what's going on around me...really challenges that which I profess - Believing that You reconciled me to You by the blood of Your Son Jesus and though I'm a sinner, there's no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).

But I'm not changing my mind, I know the devil is prowling around looking for an opportunity to come in and bring along seven of his friends...which is not going to happen!! Now way!! So Father, this is a renewal of my promise to You ... You are God my God, You redeemed me and gave me Life. You see me and know my name. You bless me everyday. So Daddy I need to hear Your voice in the midst of all this. May I not fall back and backslide... I said yes to You before, to Your way at life, and to be used as a vessel. Sanctify me and draw me close to You. Hide me in You Jesus, and protect me from the evils of this world. My heart, my soul, my very being I give back to You...As a thank You for all that You've done in my life and all who You've been to me... You will be forever God, long after the earth fades from my eyes. So yet while I can, grant me the strength to worship You with all of me. In the name of Jesus I pray and in Faith I thank You for hearing my prayer. Amen

Paul really knew the truth when He spoke to the gentiles. He understood all that would come our way and gave pointers and strategies in what to do. I need to revisit the Letters written by Paul...stay tuned.

You Love me still...

2009-07-01T12:50:00.000-04:00

Circumstances, situations, people...bring flashbacks to who I used to be. I can't help the feeling of guilt and doubt as well...I cant help but feel the shame, and desire to hide and withdraw, but Holy Spirit you lead me back to the throne of Mercy and Grace. Surrender is not always about problems, but it is about surrendering past shame, guilt, and all...laying it at the alter, as often as needed till you let go and allow God to take control over it. To take it from you, so you can truly live in freedom and abundance and victory.

My God loves me...He chose me...He named me...He longs to bless me in more ways than I can imagine. I no longer will stop me from receiving ALL OF HIM into my life. He reminded me today with Third Day's song:

"Don't know how to explain it
But I know that words will hardly do,
Miracles with signs and wonders
Aren't enough for me to prove to you

Don't you know I've always loved you
Even before there was time
Though you turn away
I'll tell you still
Don't you know I've always loved you
And I always will

Greater love has not a man
Than the one who gives his life to prove
That he would do anything
And that's what I'm going to do for you"

I'm sorry Father, that at times I need reminders to just how Blessed I am to have the Love of God in my life everyday. That despite of who I am or used to be...YOU LOVE ME! You will still do it regardless...that is Your very nature.

How can I not help but respond with genuine heartfelt worship. That you know the depth of me...the hidden secrets that no one else knows...but You Father. And yet Jesus, You said...This is what I'll do for you: I'll lay down my very own life just to prove that I love you...

Thank You for Loving me Jesus, even when I did not understand, even when I am unlovable and so not worthy...Your love and compassion truly humbles me. I guess that is why You are God...There truly is no one like You...None...I am bare before You and I wouldnt have it any other way :o)

Blessings & One Luv!!!

Purpose in Christ

2009-06-16T08:01:00.000-04:00

I write a lot about purpose because I believe that true purpose is not our will but doing the will of God. For He created us for His purpose and to play a role in His Grand plan. Today the Holy Spirit lead me to John 6. When the people who had been fed by bread and fish came searching for Jesus, they had a powerful session. Jesus told them that they were searching because He had filled this longing need, a taste of heaven. Jesus had touched something in them that they could not explain but knew that it was necessary.

Pay attention to v.28 &29. The people ask what they must do to do God's works. Or to do their purpose. Jesus said believe in me. Then Jesus continues with His famous sermon. He is the bread of heaven and He was sent to do the Father's will. Whoever works for food that endures, whoever believes that He was sent by the Father will not lack anything and will not be driven away. I see a promise here, that as long as I invest time, energy, and resources for God...therein my purpose will be revealed in Christ. The only requirement is simple = believe in the Son of God. The promise is that there's nothing I can do or not do that will separate me from Jesus. He will never drive me away...or like God's promise..He will never forsake me.

How amazing that we have a Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit who invite us into this heavenly romance and we are free to come...and we'll NEVER BE REJECTED!!!! Where we can blossom and grow in Christ. That's awesome covering right there :o) Jesus is here preaching about welcoming everyone to the safety of His covering and at the end...they up and leave. Typical. He offers we reject and sin. But He still maintains His offer even to our last day. A God who was rejected but still chose to die for all because He LOVES US! My desire is to be worthy of such love, to praise Him for such Love, to trust always no matter the circumstance in such Love and promise.

God Bless!!!!

My Calling

2009-06-10T20:50:00.000-04:00

I've searched and sought, prayed and been prayed on, fasted cried, taken blind leaps of Faith, failed, believed and hoped...till this day when my Father, my Lover showed me that He's been weaving the story. That all happened for this day, when He will unveil His will and I will worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. It was all preparation, it was all guided by the Holy Spirit, His hand has always been upon my life. He orchestrated it all...He orchestrated it all for this day, where He will reveal and I will say "YES! YES! GOD! YES!!!!!"

I just want to encourage you reading this. As I write right now, I'm finally calm enough to share with you this "GOD IS FAITHFUL AND HE KNOWS!"....For I'm just in awe and filled with gratitude that I have a lover who LOVES ME sooo much that He will go literally "to hell and back" for me. That's just what Jesus did. He said I love You this much to die for you yet while you were in sin, when you did not understand that your heart silently and desperately cried out to Him everyday, when nothing else could satisfy but you had somehow convinced yourself that "they would do", when all you placed your foundation upon falls apart, when the life you worked soo hard to realize never materializes...through the tears, and heartbreak...can you see your Lover...Arms wide open saying "I see you and I Love you"!!!! I wish I could write in tongues right now, for the excitement. To see His plan in weaving my story and connecting it with others, situations and circumstances that sometimes left me hopeless...but GOD in His infinite wisdom, and love, and power was in control all along.

SO I will worship God in a dance. I will praise Him with my instrument. I make myself available to Him to be used as His vessel to Bless, take authority, heal, deliver His people. GOD IS....Amen!!!

The Outcome

2009-06-07T00:57:00.000-04:00

How awesome it is to serve a God who asks us to trust Him to be responsible for the outcome of all that we do. I believe when Jesus invited us to follow Him and cast our burdens on Him...this is what He was asking of us.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (Mathew 11: 28-29).

To trust Him with our will and way, our selves, our destiny, our loved-ones. He is able to take care of everything but needs us to trust Him, that in His great compassion and love, His actions and the outcome have good intentions for us. As I walk this life, I pray that someday I'll get to the point of more trust in God being able to take care of the actions for everything that I do in my life. I pray that my walk with reflect a relationship with Jesus built on unshakable trust and a deep experiential, heartfelt knowledge of God's heart towards me.

God's Wisdom

2009-05-20T07:58:00.000-04:00

It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. (1 Cor. 1:30)

I call it Amazing Plan & Design for us by God; placing within us a desire for our hearts to connect to Him - Our Father. The devil knows that when we truly connect, heart-to-heart with our Father, God moves powerfully. SO the devil seeps into our lives distrust and lies, distracting us with promises that cannot fulfill the desire and longing within our souls. Woe to us if our eyes have not been opened to the truth and we do not know Jesus. For we will be K.O. by the devil before we can even stand. But we don't have to lose. Christ died for us and it is as simple as believing this and WE WIN!!!

If you do not know Jesus pray with me:
Heavenly Father, I thank You for loving me. I thank You for Your faithfulness in keeping me. I thank You for sending Your son to die for me so that I may live. I believe Jesus that You were born of the flesh, died on the cross, and rose again to life. Jesus, come into my heart. I declare You my Lord and Savior. I believe in my heart that I am saved. I thank You. In Jesus' name. Amen

How can I Love You Jesus?

2009-05-16T10:36:00.000-04:00

In the middle of my prayer session,...Jesus gave me a word that is soo true and echoes with everything in my heart. I asked Jesus "How can I love You in my own special way?"...He said "By Loving others". And it's that simple, Jesus loves me and I can love Him back by loving others. The genuine, pure, unhindered, response of love and worship when Jesus touches and heals...we are to direct that to others, pouring into them. So they can know Jesus and come to Him. And He can touch and heal their lives too. Soo simple...

How to stand

2009-05-14T10:43:00.000-04:00

Soo...the first thing I've learned, especially recently...Be careful what you ask of and from God. It is not about having strings attached, but I feel there should be a fine print that says "Notice: Fulfillment of said prayer request may not necessarily come in the manner you desire. Worthwhile results are usually preceeded by intense trials, shaking the ground you walk on and belief, and yes even your well being. However, all leave an imprint of your Creator - Almighty God - in your mind, in your life, and most importantly upon your heart"

As I go through all this...I know I'm not alone. Jesus provides me strength. I am precious to Him. Everyday walking into work is a battle field. I pray up...mentally gird my mind and heart. I thank God for His necessary armor and my guardian angels warring on my behalf. I'm covered by the blood of Jesus and therefore unstoppable! Before I know it demands, last minute changes to deadline projects. And I'm thinking to myself people cant live this way, under constant high pressure...But I hear Your voice Father...reminding me.. I AM A CONQUEROR!!! You made me that way. I will press forward, one breath at a time, praying, and believing. And when I cant take it anymore...PRAISE is all I can do...For Father You are God, the Great I Am...it doesnt matter what my situation is...You are GOD and You are ABLE!!!

Heavenly Father, I may not be able to talk about rejoicing or say it out loud...not any more...because deep within my heart, deep down in the essence of my being, my Spirit knows. You have moved me from head-knowledge of love and ability, to heart-knowledge of Your sustaining ever-present love...All I have to do is think upon the last 2 weeks and smile...despite how horrible I felt/am feeling...my flesh giving way...my heart still says believe, stand, and hope. So Father I give You glory today, in all that I do. My one desire is to bring Your heart joy everytime You look upon me. To cause You to say "Now, this is my daughter!"....Father I thank You for everything You have done, are doing, and will do for me. I believe You, I trust You, and I adore You this day. Father, You are my God... Your dominion is eternal... And I know that You are faithful to all Your promises, righteous in all Your ways, and loving towards me Your daughter. In Jesus' precious name, I pray. And in faith I stand. Amen

The Stand

2009-05-13T11:41:00.000-04:00

Father, I have done all I was able to do! Pressed, believed, hoped, dreamed, prayed...the sound of shutting doors is becoming all too familiar. When my soul is crushed, I know God that you're still GOD!!! Your dominion is Everlasting and my hope is in You...my hope is You - Your unfailing nature, unchanging character, faithfulness to Your promises. You always come through...I wont quit believing, for Father, You have been my God my whole life...loving me from afar and now within. I have given my life to You Jesus, and I still renew my committment today. I will persevere, ever straining towards the goal set before me. devil, I wont quit praising the Almighty God...For my destiny is in God's hands and not Yours. This battle is not mine, but God has already declared the victory over you devil!!! I know and I see it, that everyday, Father, You are developing the woman that You created me to be...I'm learning to anchor all that I am, believe in, hope for, trust and love in You alone Father. And that to me is the best thing in the entire world. I ask that You continue to prune me, cleanse me, sanctify me, mold me, transform my life. I am Yours...All I ask is that You open my spiritual ears and eyes to Your Holy Spirit. May my heart always respond to You in love...Father I'm keeping the faith alive, even still...I know You will come through for me...You are able...even if You dont I still love, adore, worship, & praise You Father.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies." (2 Corinthians 4: 7-10)

Psalm 121

2009-05-04T15:31:00.000-04:00

I am a fan of Psalm 121, not just because it was one of the first ones I memorized, but because David acknolwedges that God is faithful in rescuing and keeping us ...So..lesson learnt today. Help from God comes in multiple ways. We have to be open to all of them. Yes,He wants us looking up to Him as the source of everything, but our focus should not always be soo concentrated up that we miss receiving help from around us...

But today, BIG humbling point from the Almighty, who's sense of humor is extrodinaire...God brought me help and I had to accept it...no other choice...for anxiety was rushing in to overwhelm me and fear was more than happy to knock-me out... The take home point today is...Yes God is our help! Yes we are commanded to walk victoriously, For Greater is He that is in us than the enemy or his emissaries. However, our help comes from other angels and people, if we would just ask and be open to receiving. God may have softened another's heart towards helping you or has placed what you need in another person...There's no shame in asking. We cant do this "life thing" on our own...We will always need God & others.

Pushing Through

2009-05-03T22:20:00.000-04:00

If I could title this season of my life, it would be just that. God has been pushing me out of my comfort zone, placing me in situations that are physically, mentally, and emotionally trying and pressing. It's not fun going through but coming out victorious makes it worthwhile. I just finished walking 20 miles in 6hrs. Now...if someone had told me that I could do this...I would have thought their elevator doesnt go all the way up. But I did, with smiles, prayers, song in my heart, and great friends. The weather was perfect for walking and by mile 16 I was almost inspired to run the rest of the way.

The beginning started off with the 20 miles ahead of me, oh the excitement and energy! During the walk... painful at times, my legs were hurting, but had to keep stepping, and counting down the miles to the end. The last 2 miles route were the same first 2 miles that began the walk, but this time returning was different. Crossing the finishing line, I came back, changed...having covered 20 miles...met people along the way...memories, crossed different landscapes...physically exhausted, but spiritually inspired and emotionally high. I guess walking with God and life is kinda the same. We start off with an idea of things to come, but the specifics/details occur through experiences that change us oftentimes for the better. We are called to walk out our victorious rights obtained by the shed blood of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Today was very fulfilling...and I'm blessed to have been a blessing to some hungry families somewhere. I pressed through, kept believing, and overcame. Thanks Jesus for Your strength and faithfulness.

Prayer Experience

2009-04-28T14:13:00.000-04:00

I have been spending alot of time reflecting and learning how to enter God's presence...So thus far I conclude that faith for women is tied deep to our beauty. Being able to be open and vulnerable to God is crucial in connecting our hearts to His. From my most recent moments spent with God, I am able to enter in His presence, when I truly worship from my heart, from my femininity, from a place of vulnerability, honesty, and total abandonment. Yes, going in as a lover to their one and only true love, a daughter running to her Father's secret dwelling place, a blood washed and Spirit filled believer going boldy before the throne of Great Love and Mercy. As I connect with God in this manner, He is able to relate to me as a tender, generous, lover of my soul. It is beautiful...

Yesterday was an incredible worship experience...and an incredible victory over all attempts by the devil to delay, to overwhelm, to shame, or exhaust me. God really stepped in for me. I cant list everything but I'm grateful for the Holy Spirit's prompting that I should put on the armor and prepare to battle to keep my cool, my hope, my focus, and drive throughout the day. God was faithful in re-supplying EVERYTHING!!! From words of encouragement, to songs that inspire, to feeling His love and protection. I truly felt like an invisible girl, nothing could stop me. Not my curtains crashing, not my lost pink lady, not pressure from work causing me to spend over 9 hrs at work....by the end I was not exhausted but ever inspired to praise God for keeping me sane through it all.

God is awesome in His love. I believe as women, He really wants to be our everything. The rescuer of the damsel in distress, the caterer to our every need, the joy bringer and comforter in time of sorrow...He is offering this not just to me but to you too, if you would let Him meet you where it hurts, in the darkness of shame, in the covered sorrows...I believe in my heart that Jesus can heal ALL wounds. Dont ask me how He did it for me...invite Him for yourself and believe that He who already died for you, would desire to make you whole and walk in the fullness of life. I'll gladly get you started...

"Jesus...I thank You for loving me. Apply to me the fullness of Your death and ressurrection to my life. I renounce all agreements I have made with the Enemy about me(unforgiveness, anger, pain, worthlessness etc...) I believe that You died for me on the cross so that I may have life abundantly. Jesus come for me here. Meet me here. I open my life and all areas of my life to You, and ask for Your healing. I thank You that I am wonderfully and fearfully made, in Your image. Thank You for making me whole in You. Amen"

God my Father

2009-04-19T00:32:00.000-04:00

Father - God the first person of the trinity, one related to another in a way suggesting that of
father and child, source, to accept responsibility for, a person often of particular power
or influence, to whom one looks for guidance and protection. (Merriam-Webster)

I found my Father today -God. For far to long I had been seeking, believing, longing, and He spoke a word to me that calmed everything...The true and real lover of my soul. It's amazing!!! I found Him right where He has always been = with me. As I entered into His Shekinah presence during worship in the TEN, giving Him praises, exalting His magnificence, and just loving Him with all of me...As the tears streamed down my face, I felt Him lovingly cover me. It is as if my tear-stained downcast head was tenderly lift up so I could see and feel LOVE! During the workshop we were asked to journal our experience during this free worship at the altar. As I stared at my paper, I wrote what..."I trust Your way God"....And this floored me...

I cried, and cried...dont know why. It was as if I had been released from something I had been holding unto. It was great! Tears welledup in my eyes, streams flowed and drenched my shirt...When I had finally gathered the strength to respond to God, this is what I told Him: "You who has done the impossible over and over again. What can You not do?...You who has given me Your best. What will You withhold from me?"...YOU ARE MY FATHER...these last words had me weeping al over again. I wept for joy, I wept in release, I wept in repentance of having rejected His love, over and over...I wept because He is a faithful, good, loving God. He sees me, all of me and yet still loves me the same. He has always known me...My Fathercreated me.

He gave me my rhema word:I am Your Father. You are not lost. You have found me..my relationship with my Father is very exciitng. It is new, it is sacred, it is exactly what I needed from Him. It is beautiful and amazing. And I cant wait to see How I grow in His total love and covering. God's Love is amazing and I accept His invitation to be my Father. To be the light upon my path. To direct my steps. To be more than enough. I cant thank Him enough for His patience with me. For loving me from afar...now I need Him to love me from within. To be with me, walk with me, live with me, and be my God and I will be His daughter.

I havent exactly had the best relationship with my father. Our relationship got really strained when I found out that I had a step-sister. A relationship that was once sacred and precious between us was severed and I was shattered. I didnt want to forgive, for that meant accepting that I was no longer daddy's little girl...He had cheated on a promise to love me, His one and only daughter. I felt betrayed and no longer his baby girl. God assured me today that I am His daughter and He has & always will be my God..For God is my Father. He desires to dwell in me...to love on me...to pour His love and have me respond in what is only natural - geunine heartfelt worship & desire to please Him. God desires to take responsibility for my life in all areas, to be my source, to guide and to protect me with His awesome power. He truly, in every sense of the word IS my Father...my Father...

Father...Father...my God, I thank You that Youdesired and succeeded in making me whole. To heal wounds and renew relationships. I thank You for loving me more than I'll ever know. I believe that Your Love is eternal, because You said so. And You are not man that You should lie or change Your mind. I thank You for our relationship. Father, I get soo excited thinking about all that we have to talk about and catch-up on. I accept Your invitation to be my God and Father and I invite You into my life once again. Still me always in Your presence. Open my ears and speak to me Father. For it is in Your presence that I am nourished, nurtured, loved, accepted, and protected. May the newness of our relationship flow into all the relationships in my life. Father I recognize that it is not by works that I'm saved but because You loved me and came for me. Thank You Jehovah Shammah. In Jesus' name. Amen

Liturgical Dance Institute

2009-04-19T00:14:00.000-04:00

Woke up this morning of 4/18/09 with a heavy spirit. Found myself crying out to God for a change, for a newness to living. I needed Him to heal the wounds that I thought I had covered or were healed...I no longer had the strength, or desire, or creative spin to hide what was true = my heart hurts...

God woke me up later in the morning...Praise God for I had not set my alarm. He got me on the bus, off to another dance ministry institute training, excited to learn something new. The weight I brought with me had not lifted, but I was doing my best to move it aside. I was here to learn about dance and refine my technique. Polite acknowledgments here and there, hugs, and hellos...usual... But the ice-breaker started preparing my heart to hear God's rhema word He had for me today. I had never done this type of ice-breaker before: hug someone and love on them as scriptures are read. The point is to keep hugging and blessing them till you hear a scripture with "love" and then switch to the next person. Let's say I was loved-up by the end of the exercise :o)

Today's lessons were on Godly Character, Accountability, the Tabernacles of Moses and David. First off, my team had to choreograph movement to portray the "Ark of the Covenant" that is found in the Holiest of Holies. At the end, of our short piece we decided how best to worship God that to surrender and prostrate face-down before the GREAT I AM. One of our team-mates was an elderly woman, we thought she would stay standing but at the end, there was praise being given to God. I lifted my head and saw her, face-down on the floor with everyone, worshipping God...as if that was not amazing enough! Found out she was 92!!!! Had walked in with no cane and moved in unison with us and humbled herself before God the creator. Her testimony of God being her everything through life, was encouraging. She was part of an ongoing praise and worship of God that endures over generations and generations. Me coming into God's presence with a praise and a dance...her preparing to leave this world and enter the Heavenlies with a praise and a dance.

Today's class truly opened my eyes that I am a minister of the dance. It is about God and I am nothing but a vessel that births His vision. I am blessed to be part of such a creative arts ministry where our praise and worship is our bodies. I can stretch my arm to the Father, I can leap for joy, I can fall on my knees at the cross. It's incredible!

Ok...part II of the workshop is why I'm most excited...see "God my Father" piece :o)

My Most Prized Possession

2009-04-17T07:34:00.000-04:00

"For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him" (2 Chronicles 16:9)

"My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God."
(Psalm 84:2)

I haven't been blogging for a while because there's been an ongoing revelation that needed clarity before I could write. Learning about God's character as it applies/relates to women has been eye opening. All that I as a woman longs for, is the same way God wants me in my femininity to relate to Him. As a woman, my most prized possession is my heart. For the external beauty fades, money and wealth like the flowers of the field can bloom and abound one day and be gone the next. A lot of this world is transient, but with age, a woman's heart has known, pain, sorrow, joy, love, forgiveness, anger, acceptance and soo much more. Over time a woman's heart has learnt to bear alot, but above all has learnt to love many including self and God.

I believe my walk with God has been Him showing me one thing after another to commit to Him. It's not a refusal to share with others, it is saying "Father, my God, I owe You everything and desire to please You. What I do have I give to You. All that I find of worth I give to You. I give You first place in ALL and EVERYTHING that I am." Last year God asked me for a dance, I've given Him dance, and will continue to strive to give Him the best in movement. This year, God has asked of me, my most prized possession in its entirety... He desires my heart. So Father I gladly give You my heart...For when a heart is given, true vulnerability is revealed. I am trusting Him, His intentions and His ability to care for me. I'm trusting His decisions for my life. Trusting His plans, purpose, unfailing promises, and faithfulness. Thereby causing a greater need and dependence on God. In the end, I believe God just wants to be there for all of us - nothing more. That we will walk with Him and He can be what He is - OUR GOD!

"Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me."
(Psalm 51:10)

Heavenly Father, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for creating me as a woman in Your image of grace, mercy, tenderness, beauty, and love. Father as I continue to learn more and more about my relationship with You,... You amaze me! Father, You are incredible the way You love and have loved me. For being my keeper, my protector, the pursuer of my heart and all of me, Thank You God. Jesus, You commanded me to love God with all my heart, soul, and mind. Teach me God how to do just that. To walk in the spirit of loving You within and without. Teach me how to accept Your invitation of a love relationship soo secure, perfect, untainted, and sacred. In faith I thank You fo creating within me a pure and clean heart that is devoted to You. God You will be glorified in and through me. All praise and honor to You Father, in Jesus' name. Amen.

Today's Prayer

2009-04-15T10:32:00.000-04:00

Heavenly Father, I thank You for opening my eyes this morning to Your glorious beauty. Your creation is absolutely magnificent, the vibrant colors emanating from an incredible sunrise over the still tranquil harbor, to the newly sprouting plants rooted so deeply in the rich brown earth. Everywhere I see new life and new beginnings. I thank You that I have yet another day to praise You and walk with You. I thank You for always being there. To think a God soo great and powerful, would chose to love me just as I am, fills my heart with gladness and gratitude. I thank You Father for searching deep within me and purging me of all that is not of You and pulling out all that You have placed within me. Forgive me Father that oftentimes I allow myself to be consumed by thoughts, ways, and things that easily beset me. Forgive me Father when I willfully go against Your desires and expectations of me to walk in righteousness and love at all times. I thank You that when soo easily I forget whose I am and who I serve...You are quick to remind me that I am Yours. Thank You for guiding my way. Thank You Father for Your promises over my life. I know that You are a faithful God. Help me remember especially when the pressures of the world intensifies and everything is cloudy, when I've done all that I can do...that You alone are God, You are the great I AM, You are Alpha & Omega. Help me remember that You have promised to be my God, which is all I'll ever need. No good thing will You withold from me. So I thank You for truly being my Father. To You belong all Glory, Honor, and Praise forever. In Jesus' name. Amen

Good Friday

2009-04-10T11:25:00.000-04:00

"Good" - According to Meriam-Webster "good " means : of a favorable character or tendency, virtuous, kind, benevolent, of the highest worth or reliability, praiseworthy character, forever, permanently"

These certainly lists all that we ascribe to our Great God. For today, Jesus made good on all our sins. He gave His life as atonement for our sins. He came to fulfill the prophesy that the Son of God and Son of man will be convicted for our sins and thus eternally reconciling us with our Creator and Benevolent Father.

I decided to spend the greater majority of today in free worship, prayer, and reflection. Just letting the Holy Spirit guide me, flood me with emotions, with thoughts, reflections, praise, tears, joy, everything.

It's soo amazing a God who would create us in His image, send us into this world to figure it out. It's amazing a God who k nows His creation soo wel and knows that we would find Him. Cast out into the world, babes, crawling, learning to walk, falling, crying out, resisting, struggling, fighting, going in and out of His will, swaying to extremems, because in our hearts there's the question of "Why was I made?"...an everburning, intense "There is more to life than what is"...He placed in us an unquenchable thirst...that we would seek to fulfill in this world, till when we're drowning in our sins. A God with a big heart, looks down upon us, reaches out as we scream with all that we've reached our point of exhaustion and frustration with this world. We lift up our hands in painful, hopeless, surrender...but that is when Jehovah Rahim looks down with compassion and ever understanding love, takes us...Covers us with righteousness, opens our eyes to why He created us...we slowly learn we can be happy in this world while serving the one and only true living God. That we are free, that we are able to accomplish wonderful deeds.

With that said my life is made meaningful as I allow God to operate through me. I am a new creation, with new thoughts, a new life...and Jesus lives in and through me. Though the old man is still in this mortal flesh body, Jesus overcame the world. The King of the highest Glory lives in me and is able to establish His Kingdom right here on earth. My life is made that much more pleasant, and valuable because though I'm inthe world, I'm covered by the shed blood of Jesus. I now know that God is truly able, when I let go...And He has never and never will let go of me. Through the pain, the rejections, the shut doors, failed relationships, betrayals by friends and family, God You never let me go. No one will and can ever love me like You.

As I continue to walk more strongly and courageously, with greater assurance and confidence that my God is my everything, I find it more possible to hope, to rest, to live in Faith. Placing my trust in you and not people. I find even possible to love those who've hurt me and to forgive, given no space to remembering hurts. Chosing love at all times, because God you chose me. You Love me. You gave Your son for me. Jesus You took the blame for what You did not do. You loved me with arms open.

My love journey with Jesus truly has begun as all these realizations set in. The only real, true posession I have is Your name Jesus. In Your name I can come before the Father, entering behind the veil to worship. By Your name I am rescued, victorious, redeemed, made holy. Words cannot equate how Your name makes me feel, consuming me with all types of emotions. Your offering does not hold me in bondage, but sets me free to give You the only natural response I know how - praise and worship You.

My passage for today is Isaiah 53: 1-12.

I am no longer the same. Jesus died for me. The Holy Spirit baptized me into the Body of Christ. I am God's daughter. Everyday I will commit myself to Your hands God. I will strive to give You my best always. With the help of the Holy Spirit and by Your grace I will Glorify You with my life. No longer taking for granted all that You do for me, both seen and unseen, daily provisions. I belong to You Jesus, and gladly declare once more that You are the Lord of my life. Still me lord when I am hardpressed, tune me into Your directions, may Your voice be the only one I listen to. Teach me to be disciplined. Press the best of You in me. Help me remember each morning as I awake with You...That All I need is You God. Daily sufficiency is You. You truly are my daily portion. Fulfilling me. Teach me how to walk in humility, gratefulness, selflessness, peace, and joy. Thank You Jesus for being the Saviour King, abandoning Your throne and coming to meet me who was dying in sin, with my last strength, hope, and when all I could muster was "DADDY!!" You came for me.

A heart to serve God

2009-04-04T08:45:00.000-04:00

So this week, God has been working with me on "serving". Not in the traditional sense of humbling the self before another and serving them through actions, nor in ministry, neither at work or at home...because there's a fine line between serving to please people vs serving to please God...He's helping me practice discernment in that area. (Colossians 3:23).

As I continue to learn about the temperament God gave me, I realize my weaknesses tend to place me in that category. Being a person in love with harmonious peaceful living, the temptation for the path of least-resistance and people pleasing is uhm quite great. The intention may be noble, but everything I do should be to honor God. I'd like to claim that I've got this down packed...but I'm still a work in progress, Amen.

I thank God for continuing to show me my strengths and weaknesses. Especially my weaknesses because that's when I need God even more, I need His Grace that much more (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). And in the midst of my weaknesses and trials, I've seen Him holding me up. As I cry and scream and reach for Him, God has been faithful to hold me, sending messengers of peace, encouragement, and hope. Scriptures popping into my heard, music with just the right words...God is amazing.

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

I believe that as God continues to reveal himself to me, I will find more weaknesses. This makes me glad because, I realize even how much more I desperately need Him and desire to give Him my all. Though a little scared, but it is crucial for my growth into the woman He created me to be and the assignment He has for my life. I pray to one day get to that level of faith when I'm living and resting in the fact that His Love and Grace is sufficient for me daily.

Heavenly Father I Thank You for today, I Thank You for Your Love, I Thank You for Your faithfulness to all the promises You've made over me, and I Thank You for my beautiful temperament. May I continue to grow in grace and dependence on You. May I continue to discern Your Will at all times, seeking opportunities to serve Only You. Be glorified in my talents and shine through where I'm weak. To You belong all the Praise and Glory. In Jesus' name. Amen

Sight Unseen

2009-03-31T11:20:00.000-04:00

Heavenly Father,
You've been in control ever since before I was born.
Right here, with me,
It finally clicked that it's really truly been You all along
and it will always be You till the end...

So prepare my heart Father. Grant me the strength to pass any and every test. To sacrifice all I can for Your Glory... My love, my life, my world belongs to You. Bought at a price to high for me to pay, but a Love sooo great that I cannot fathom.

As I grow in resting in the FULLNESS of Your love,
Thank You Jesus for Your promise to abide in me as I continue to abide in You.
You said, ask anything in Your name and I will receive it.

Fame, fortunes, flatteries, acceptance by man...I do not desire.
Jesus I ask in Your name to make me whole in You.
God I ask that You will do for me what You have promised to do for me.
That's all I truly desire.

Thank You for my new life, thank You for Your peace, thank You for Your Joy...

Thank You for the invigorating new outlook for the amazing wonders and blessings You have in stow for me in my days ahead.

I Bless You Almighty, Amazing, Awesome Father. All Glory and Honor belongs to You. In Jesus' name. Amen

You called Lord...

2009-03-26T22:53:00.000-04:00

First off I have to praise Jesus for His abiding strength that enables me to meet everything I have been committed in service to. I havent slept more than 7hrs in a long...long...time. And yes, for me that's hard to function on anything less. But God has seen me through it all and made it actually quite easier to bear. I can truly feel and see Jesus wanting and being more to me and my all. It's amazing to have a King who wants to love me and see to my every need...He's a beautiful wonder :o)

Last night returning from class, the Spirit told me to stay on the path I was walking on and veer along the water and eventually I would get to my destination = home. To shower, eat, pray with a friend, and sleep early... It was dark and a less busy road, but I had faith that my daddy was watching over me. And He was! I can't believe it, the new direction cut my usual travel time by 30 whole minutes!!! I praised God for the last 10mins home because I felt just that good and overjoyed. It was incredible and I thank God that He showed me with Him there's a much better, easier, and faster way to get to my intended destination. This stuck with me because how often do I set off doing things on my own because that's all I know how to and it's the familiar... I believe God challenges us to abandon the familiar and walk in confidence and joy in the uncertainty with Him....that is hard, but I'm going to stay on the course, veering however the Spirit leads me and trusting Him to order my steps and meet every need.

And to add on that, I was re-reading John. The first chapter is such an amazing opening...Jesus was with God before the world was made and nothing that exists was made outside of Him. I gather that Jesus is asking me to remember that everything was made by Him...especially when that person in your life is getting on your nerve and you would like to tell them about themselves, lol. He made even the mean grumpy bus driver who passes your stop even though you rang the bell...and me as his daughter...given that right according to John 1:12-13, I have to represent my Father in this world. Thereby revealing that Christ still lives on today in and through me.

Additionally, John 1 also highlights to me that when Jesus was ready to do His duties, He set about picking His disciples. He called a few and those few went and called others unto Him, who came and responded to His holiness with worship from their lips. Reflecting on this, I see how God is the one who calls us to Him, to be trained for service, and we are to respond accordingly. I believe there's no higher honor in life that to be called and used by God...King of Kings, Lord of Lords!!!

In this season of my life, Jesus has really been teaching me about His character and what He expects from me. I believe He has a purpose for my life and in due season it will come to pass. I'm soo excited for the beauty and grace being born in me. I'm grateful that He selected me to carryout a plan for Him. I realize now that there's no higher purpose than to live for Jesus. The will of God is that I remain in Jesus and live according to His word. Jesus, in His ever amazing and great wisdom broke it down for me...Love one another...kinda simple. To that I say Jesus, I can start one day at a time. Though I may stumble, You promised me that I would not fall. I promise to love a little harder, give a little more, encourage someone a little more, smile a little more, trust and forgive a little more. I can do all these and demonstrate the fruits of the Spirit because You Jesus live in me and the power of Your Spirit enables me to do just that.

Heavenly Father, creator of heaven and earth. Thank You for creating me. Thank You Jesus for my blossoming Faith relationship with You. Thank You for directing me, protecting me, loving me, encouraging me, comforting me, disciplining and convicting me. Thank You for transforming me into the woman You created me to be. Thank You for cleansing me of all unrighteousness and placing me in right standing with the Father. I offer all of me, mind, body, spirit, heart, and soul borne out of a grateful heart and in service to you. Teach me how to rely and rest in the fullness of Your grace and the love You have for me. Heavenly Father, thank You for sending Your son Jesus Christ to ransom me. Sweet, glorious Jesus, I lift Your name high, mangifying You, kissing Your feet in worship. That You would chose me for Your work, is all too overwhelming. In faith I thank You for Your promises that will come to pass in my life. Thank You for my new identity, my new life, my new mind. I desire for You to be Lord over all that I am and do. I do get wrapped up in Your praise, because words cannot express how AWESOME You are Jesus!!! Though I end here, I know I'm not dismissed from Your presence. Heavenly Father, to You belong all Glory, all Praise, and all Honor forever and ever...In Jesus' name I pray and thank You. Amen

Follow me

2009-03-25T07:43:00.000-04:00

Reflection based on John 21

The disciples went out with a purpose to catch fish but were unsuccessful in their attempt. But Jesus directed them where to cast their net and they caught more than they could carry. This tells me that Jesus has the blueprint for the perfect life for me, but I need His direction for the way He has chosen for me. I cannot do anything on my own.

Afterwards the disciples returned to shore, to find Jesus roasting fish and bread, ready for them to eat and regain strength. John noted that the net carrying the 153 Big fishes did not tear...telling me that Jesus' strength cannot be broken in me. This demonstrates to me that not only will Jesus direct my steps but He'll equip me and provide for me as I continue to trust Him.

The most salient message came through during the conversation Jesus has with Simon Peter. Jesus was asking Simon Peter to do a task for Him. As I read it over, though He asked Peter "Do you truly love me?"...I felt Jesus asking me the same question. For if I truly loved Him, I would give Him ALL OF ME. Unrestrained in thoughts, actions, and will. Allowing Him to work through me in this world....Jesus continues on with Simon Peter and gives a parable v18:

"I tell you the truth,when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go"...then Jesus said "Follow me"...

This are pretty clear instructions on what I must expect in my walk with Jesus. Especially when I pray "not my will but Your will". I believe God is clearly telling me to let go of my understanding, ways of old and walk into a new fellowship with Him. One that entails relinquishing all I've been holding unto and accept the way God has chosen for me. I may not like it sometimes or fully comprehend at times. I dont want to go back to my past life...I cannot go back...So I will walk the road laid out before me. Though blind, but there's the blessed assurance obtained by Faith in the shed blood of Jesus Christ. I will follow Jesus. Allowing Him to "dress me" and take me wherever. I may not always feel like it or want to, but Thank You Jesus for Your Spirit that dwells in me and enables me to do everything in Your name Jesus.

I Surrender...

2009-03-24T23:42:00.000-04:00

I did ask God to speak to me today and He sure did... I expected answers, but He showed me how my small mind of thinking had essentially given Him multiple choice questions with my pre-defined answer choices... And God, as He does best, blew up everything, bringing me to tears and crying out to Jesus...All, yes,... in one day... I admit I have no idea where my life is headed, and that scares me. For someone who plans and strategizes, that is hard and what He is asking of me is painful. But I know it is for my own good...He's asking me to let go and I want to but I just keep holding on...but what am I truly holding on to???...My way of knowing??? Doing things??? Handling things??? Responding to things???...These obviously havent worked thus far, if not I wouldnt be here at the throne of Grace & Mercy, in need of a major pouring & cleansing.

As I cried and prayed He led me to a devotional by Ruth Bell Graham. She states that trusting God involves:

Committing ourselves
Committing our burden
Committing our souls
Committing our way
Committing our cause
Committing our works

As I reflected and prayed on these...God led me to Psalm 25 and 37. Which I must continue to reflect on. As I looked up I saw what I had pulled up on youtube....

Hillsong United "Take All Of Me". It starts with this verse:

"I love You
All of my hope is in You
Jesus Christ take my life
Take all of me"

And ends with:
"I love You so, and I give up my heart to say
I need You so, my everything"

Looking at all these...I believe that God is asking me to Let Go of where I put my securities and rely on Him alone and finding sufficiency in His Love. I shouldnt come with the mindset that "God bless me" or "Do this for me then I will entrust all of me to you"....uh-uh, God doesnt work this way... He is asking me to step out on Faith. Step out to meet Jesus, whose arms are outstretched, reaching out for me. For God already gave me what I didnt ask for, His son dying for me, my sins, to set me free. This leaves me thinking, now if I were a prisonner trapped in bondage, no amount of wealth or food would appease me...what I'd desire the most is freedom!!! And I believe Jesus has already given me the best thing I could ever ask for...eternal life. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for me. He is my Savior and Lord of my Life now. Now God is asking me to let Him use my life to the extreme, to lead an impossibly great life for Him. And how can I refuse You God, You who has given me soo much...So I say YES!! With every fiber of my being.

Heavenly Father, Creator of the Heavens and Earth. You are crowned in full Glory, reigning over the world, King of Kings. Your dominion cannot be fathomed. Yet Jesus, You left Your throne, and came to rescue me from the death that was inevitable and impending. You laid down Your life for me only to pick it up once more in 3 days. I Love You and I THANK YOU...This is me offering You my heart to dwell in, my life to reign over. I may not know where I'm going, I relinquish control of my life both today and tomorrow, and I entrust ALL OF ME to You Jesus. I pray God that You would take me. If this poor servant, humbled by Your goodness can still be used in part of Your Great Plan...then Daddy I say yes and I need You Jesus. Teach me how to live for You - God. Teach me how to be obedient to You and Your will. To wear this world like a loose garment, soo easily removed. Teach me how to place my trust in You daily, for everything. I am nothing without You. Create within me a steadfast spirit and a grateful heart always. I Thank You for Loving me. Thank You God for delighting in me. Thank You for Your faithfulness. Thank You for Your protection and daily provision. Thank You for Your presence. Thank You for the gift of the Holy Spirit. I'm excited to see the new life, the new direction that You have for me Jesus. Thank You for moving me from Glory to Glory. I praise You Heavenly Father. In Faith I receive Your promises over me. I seal this prayer in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

My invitation to God

2009-03-24T10:04:00.000-04:00

Today I asked God to give me a sign, hope, that what I'm chasing after is truly from Him. I asked Jesus to speak to me today, because He can. And while getting ready for work, I was listening to Hillsong "Your Name High" on you tube with the intro about the church. One of the members was talking to the crowd gathered about how God should be God in our hearts. Allowing Him to truly do the work that He wants to do in us. What got to me was "I don't know what will happen if we truly allow God to invade our lives and invade our hearts"...

I believe God was responding to me as He always does, with questions that dont need answers. God asked me if whether what I was seeking is what I really needed to go out into the world to change the world for Him... Do I need to be a physician to touch lives? To make a difference? To create sustaining programs? That provide hope? How wrong I've been thinking that the title would open doors, get me access, respect, and the power to do what I want...when it's God who opens doors....How wrong I thought those skill sets can do anything anywhere, because they'll always be needed...What the world needs is God, nothing else...To do the change I desire and He wants to see, shouldnt I be going out in His name?

So my prayer today, is for God to remove all doubt, disbelief, and fear. To remove my ideas and plans, to cause a shift in me where I'm open to His will. Where I truly allow Jesus Christ to be the Lord of my life. To live for Him and not for myself. To see Him glorified in all that I do. In as much as I thought that I was living for You God, I now realize the errors of my ways. Forgive me for trying to get You to be in alignment with my will...how futile were all these efforts...And I thank You. Why would You give it to me, if it's not what Your will is for me?...God, You showed me that there's nothing wrong with these plans and desires. But how can You bring what You have for me in, if I keep trying to fill-up when You empty me??..I thank You that You did not fulfill them, for You're not a God who just gives because we ask. How would I truly learn that You're the living Great and Powerful God who created me for Your purpose and delight...You want to build Your character in me, a godly woman, who is ready to be called to serve anywhere at all times for You. That's all You ever promised to do for me...

So today, Almighty God, and Compassionate Jehovah, I ask for Your forgiveness. I am sorry for trying to do things my way. I'm sorry for not being patient enough to wait in the stillness of Your presence. I surrender myself to Your leadership. If You lead, I promise to follow. I truly desire You Jesus Christ to be the Lord of my life. To use me. I may not know where I'm going...but God, You have promised to lead me, the blind by ways I have not known. So I'll sit and wait on You God. Wait for Your prompting. Wait for You to put the pieces together. I say yes to whatever Your heart desires, whatever Your will is for me. I say Yes to You God. Yes! Please radically invade my heart and my life...The only expectation I have is that You will flood into me through Your Holy Spirit and make Your Glory known to the world. Grant me the strength to be faithful where You have placed me today. To seek out opportunities to be a blessing to those around me today. And to live not in forward future thinking, but in today's world. Rejoicing that You are all I need. In Faith I thank You and declare that I am free! In Jesus' name. Amen

The Wait

2009-03-23T22:30:00.000-04:00

I had to consult/re-visit my Bible study (By Faith) for this one. There's been "A Praise on the Inside" forgive me J. Moss, had to use it....no other way to explain. The anticipation rises everyday and the excitement causes me to praise God. Or maybe it's just the joy of salvation that has risen within me...Either way, I believe I'm about to cross over to my next level of faith. But till it happens I must stand on these principles according to my 2 favorites authors John & Lonnie. Please note, these are not mine. I used pronouns to make them more relevant to me when I re-read it. Some elaboration is included here and there.

1) God has a purpose for waiting.
-God is glorified while I wait.
-I develop a deeper knowledge of God and greater faith in God. (A result of longing and choosing to constantly rely on God's love for me).
-I develop godly character. (God wants me to reflect Him in character).
-God prepares other people to receive His will. (The anointing over me is for those around me. And God will work in me to bless them).

2)Waiting on God is the most challenging stage of Faith.
-I am to move myself out of the way because God exceeds reality and does not need my help in hurrying things to come to pass. He may give me the vision but I should not strategize to make sure the word comes to pass.

3) Dont walk by sight, walk in the Spirit.
-2 Corinthians 5:7

4) I must learn to live with an unmet need or desire.
-When God delays, no matter how tempted I am, I cannot take matters into my own hands...

According to John and Lonnie, I am on the right track = Waiting on God requires active seeking. And in this process I should
-Ask until I receive clarity
-Seek Specifically and expectantly
-As I knock, I should keep doing what God has called me to do.

Testing is to be expected
-Confusion & second-guessing
-Doubt resulting from my expectations of the outcome and not trusting God's timing
-Frustration from impatience
-Pain or difficulties
-Longing for the comfort zone

God intends Joy during waiting

As I reflect on these notes I see these themes in my life right now, which assures me that God is about to be glorified through me. Because God rewards completed faith...

Heavenly Father, God of All creation. All heaven and earth testifies to Your Greatness. I worship you this evening. Thank You for sending Your son, my Lord Jesus Christ, to die for me on the cross. I am not worthy of soo great a love...You are a loving and compassionate God. Forgive me of all my inequities and unrighteousness. Forgive me of doubt and disbelief and attempts to do things on my own. Heavenly Father, I'm sorry for placing limits on what You can do in my life. Thank You for daily provision throughout today. Especially seeing me through today's training creation and presentation... For supplementing my energy throughout today and enabling me to accomplish all that was set before me with peace, grace, and joy. Thank You for being my keeper, preserving me from all harm and evil today. Father, the time has come for You to be glorified in me. You've placed these desires and talents in me. Bring the harvest to pass for all those around me to join with me in praising your awesome name. God I relinquish all control over all areas of my life to the leadership of the Holy Spirit. I believe that every word You have said over me will come to pass. That Your purpose for creating me will come to pass. For You are a faithful God. I trust your decision, direction, and choices for my life. Not my will but Your Will Father. Not my way but Yours. Not me, but Your Glory. Increase in me and be reflected through me in every way. In Faith I thank You, for this is the confidence I have in approaching You. I know that when I call, You hear me. Therefore anything that I have asked of You, I already have it. Thank You for using me to demonstrate Your Power and Glory. I praise You, Hallelujah. In Jesus's name I pray and thank You. Amen

His Presence

2009-03-21T10:48:00.000-04:00

It's amazing to enter God's presence to press on in and join an ongoing celebration with other Saints and all the angels. It's incredible, such peace, beauty...this morning I felt like I was floating in joy, just completely elated. I was in the presence of my Father and we talked and fellowshipped. I praised, prayed, worship, danced, and was completely liberated. Then He gave me His name choice...there's a development going on in my life right now that requires a stillness and me being set apart to clearly hear Him and be obedient to His instructions.

I'm believing God right now that His plans for me are what is being unfolded before me know, what is being spoken to me by the Holy Spirit. I've yielded my life, my way to the control of the Holy Spirit and believing that God will use me to tap into a world that only I can and where He has assigned me to go. Pray for me for clarity and obedience in spirit and in truth.

Heavenly Father, Indeed from whom all Blessings flow, praises to Your Holy, Magnificent, Glorious name. You promised in Your word that if we are faithful and do not get weary in doing good, in due season we will reap a harvest. I believe in my heart that you had planned something much better for me that only together with me would it be made perfect. So God, I ask for your vision. Holy Spirit I ask for clarity in God's instructions and I submit all of me, mind, body, spirit, heart, and soul to your guidance. Counsel me as I begin this journey for You know God best. Lord Jesus thank You for training me, equipping me with all that I need, and for praying for me. God I give you all my glory and all my praise, both now and forever. In Jesus' name I pray and thank You for hearing me. And In Faith I declare it done. Amen.

My Colors

2009-03-20T00:04:00.000-04:00

Weakness, frailty, a gray world repeating itself.
Miserable, dejected, blue...yes...blue, my color of choice.
Greens and purples, not for me to want, much too cheerful for my taste.
Nor Shades of red, corruption, sin, temptation, and death.

John 3:16

Humility and daily repentance, the gray of the dawning of a new day.
Called to holy service and draped in blue.
I choose life and worship!!! Yes...I'll take the greens and purples!!!
I am forever marked in scarlet, forever God's beloved.

My Relationship With God

2009-03-17T11:12:00.001-04:00

It's been a while coming but God has spoken/been speaking to my spirit that He is preparing to move me to another level of Faith. To cross my Jordan... Part of me rejoices for the newness it promises to bring, something different, but there's a fear of the new challenges that are also promised to come. While doing my daily devotion, I was flooded from His scriptures with these Holy Truths...I believe that my God who is Alpha & Omega had written about all the days ordained before me before one came to pass. I believe that He created me to last and to endure, for I am made just in His image. God dwells in me. He has promised me that even in the highest heights or lowest depths...even there His Spirit guides me and His right hand holds me fast. Even in my moments of uncertainty...He guides me on the way everlasting. I surrender me for His Glory. I surrender me for His pleasure...No longer will I resist, seek to control...I WILL TRUST God and all that He is doing in and through me.

I believe that God will put everything on the line to make us whole, even His relationship with us. He took a lot of clutter out of my life, distractions, people, activities, dreams...In order to cross the Jordan, the Joshua commanded the Israelites to get their supplies ready, which meant take only what is necessary. All I thought was gone was for my good. As He slowly puts pieces back in their right places in my life, I understand that only God is necessary to move ahead... Now I realize even after all pains, joys, frustrations, breakthroughs, grief, relief, reluctance to let go, favor, hurts, forgiveness, betrayals, trust, anger, patience, self-doubt, confidence, fear, peace, shame, beauty, mistakes, successes, rejections, edification,...He is God, He is my Father, He loves me, He delights when I please Him with all of me in all ways. He has, is, and will always be the Only One in my life who is always there. When all else is gone out of my life, His love has always been constant, bringing me joy, nursing me back to health and the fullness in Him.

As I walk into this new level of faith, all I have decided to bring with me is the promise that God is forever with me. "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them. I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do. I will not forsake you" (Isaiah 42:16). I know now that it's not about the people, the haves, the situations....my story is about a God who loves me and has promised to be with me and to live life with me. So I praise Him from my utmost being, I praise Him with a grateful heart, I praise Him in a dance, I praise Him for being faithful, for being My God and My everything. I praise Him just because...

Daughter of Africa

2009-03-15T01:07:00.000-04:00

Who Am I?
Question of the Ages.
Efforts to Define & Confine.

Black, Ugly,
Baby-making factory.
Ain't fit for nothing.

Used, Abused, Rejected, Raped,
Neglected, Abandoned.
Streams of tears.
Lost generations.

Yet!
Ever Resilient.
Ever Purposeful.
Ever Loving.
Ever You.

Oh! Look at You...African Queen!
Long slender exquisite neck,
Gracefully poised physique,
Elegant maneurisms,
Radiating dignity and life!

My African Sister,
Haven't you heard?!?
This whole earth beneath your feet belongs to You.

Who Am I?
I am Beautiful,
I am Exceptionally Amazing,
I am a proud Daughter of Africa.

The Full Measure of My Love

2009-03-14T07:54:00.000-04:00

Over and over again I keep revisiting Jesus' Love for me and the significance of the Cross. Why? Because I believe that this is the unbreakable link between me and God. At the Cross Jesus married me to the Father in pure perfect holy blood. And I desire to comprehend the fullness of that perfect beautiful Love that is available for me. I don't believe anyone or anything can ever offer me love soo absolutely true, beautiful, and awe-inspiring... God truly is an exciting wonder...

The Full Measure of Jesus' Love was captured in John 14-15 this morning while I was digging in the word. The Holy Spirit directed me to see that Jesus gave us 3 very important things:

1) LOVE COMMANDMENT: He demonstrated His version of LOVE to the apostles by washing their feet. He served. Afterward, Jesus tells His disciples "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you MUST love one another" (John 13:34). Here I believe that Jesus is reminding me that to love his way is to humble myself before others, to be of service, to be selfless, and to CHOOSE to Love others. The word MUST tells me that it is not up for discussion, more of an expectation. As an obedient daughter who seeks to Have Jesus glorified in and through me, I MUST choose to Love at all times. As always, much of my discipleship process is much easier said than done. But God has been faithful to move me from glory to glory over the years. I may not yet be there to fully demonstrate and walk in love at all times, but I'm not where I used to be...so Praise God :-D

2) His name "JESUS": The Son of God gave us FREE USE of His name. "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring Glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."(John 14:13-14) WOW!!! I see it like a credit card that I never have to pay back. And I love my shopping...though not as much in these times, lol...Every day I wake up the balance of this credit card has already been paid off in FULL!!!...That's exciting!!! But...just as credit cards come with rules or "terms" so does having access to Jesus' name come with conditions. First, His name is to be used by HIS Children, HIS Chosen ones, those who are His followers. He does not answer those who's hearts have evil motives. Secondly, we are allowed to ask and He will do "it"...according to His purpose and for the glory of GOD... Oftentimes, myself included, we see things and desire a particular outcome, but it may not necessarily be the same plan God has for that particular situation to play out... He is faithful to keep us and protect us, but God's WILL was what Jesus came to do and did, which is why everything He asked of the Father was given Him.

Through Jesus' name I realize that I also have full assurance aka peace. " Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27). This is my assurance and strength that in the midst of anything I have access to His peace. The very peace that kept Him together, when He was captured. Even when He was questioned by the authorities of this world, Jesus boldly stood up, declaring God's truth, representing His Father. Jesus knew who He was, to whom He belonged to, and that He was doing His Father's will....Jesus is awesome!!!! He did not waver. Even being tortured, Jesus had peace, even when the cross was brought, He had peace. He carried it with Him and was nailed on it...He did not struggle or try to run. He stood still, at peace....Amazing....

3) HOLY SPIRIT: "The Spirit of Truth"....Another amazing present. Jesus left us the wonderful counselor who lives in us. It's incredible to think that Jesus' Spirit dwells in me...Wow...As a guide, to "teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." (John 14:26) Like an internal compass you direct me. Teach me, mold me, convict me, direct me.

Thank you Jesus for loving me soo much that You not only died for me at the cross, but You gave me direction, Your name, and Your Holy Spirit to walk through this world. Though I'm in the world, I'm no longer of the world. I have been born again. I am a new creation. I am Yours. I have a new identity (Galatians 5:16:26). Jesus make me more worthy of Your Love. Cleanse me of all unrighteousness. Grant me strength to choose to Love always regardless of the situation, to believe in the Power of Your name that is mine to use, and to keep in step with the Holy Spirit. Be glorified in my life so that the Father may be glorified by Your name. Thank You God for orchestrating the perfect marriage of me to You. To You, God Almighty, I give all my praise, all glory, and all credit. In Jesus' name I pray and thank You. Amen

Sight by Faith

2009-03-10T07:21:00.000-04:00

John Ch 9 was a really good read, weaving the same thread of Jesus asking us to open our eyes and truly see. Jesus Christ is the light and He continually ask thus far in John that those who believe will be granted sight, eternal life that cannot die out. It's amazing that Jesus has an open invitation to any and the only requirement is "To Believe"...

How unfortunate we live in a society where we are taught to question things, approach them with skepticism, receive advice with a grain of salt. No womder God made His Gospel soo simple...in fact too simple that it surpassed the wise to comprehend that Yes!!!...it is that simple...the only requirement is believeing in the Son of God born of a virgin Mary, who died on the cross, rose on the third day and has been given authority over every power in earth and in heaven. (Romans 10:9-10).

One of the most powerful statements I believe in John 9 is when Jesus asked the man who's sight had been restored "Do you believe in the Son of Man?" (v.35) and the once blind man said " Tell me so that I may believe in him." (v.36). God had prepared the man's heart to receive a relationship offering through Jesus' act of restoring the blind man's sight. But the man still had the choice of saying "Yes God, I believe"...Kinda reminds me of bringing a horse to a stream, you cant force it to drink. It's choice. I'm thankful for a God who gives us the choice between life and death, hoping we would chose the former and make His heart glad...and Him being moved to reward us. God honestly just wants a relationship with us...being involved in ALL areas of our lives and being given the proper respect by allowing Him use us for His pleasure. That is total surrender, but the beauty of it is our God is a GOOD GOD. He ALWAYS has our Best interest at heart. His plans for us are for Good never to harm us (Jeremiah 29:11).

Heavenly Father, I thank You for loving me. I thank You for a brand new day to fellowship with You. To worship You. To walk beside You. Thank You for being such a good, awesome, wonderful God. I will say to myself the Lord is my portion. For all my daily provisions are met in You. Your faithfulness is seen everyday. Your promises always come to pass. I choose You God. I choose Your will for my life. I choose to wait on You. Your Spirit in me testifies to me that You are my God. Thank You for opening my eyes to Your love Lord Jesus Christ. I gladly confess that You are my savior. You died for my sins. Though I may struggle, grant me strength to confidently overcome every situation with grace and faith. Cleanse me, wash me anew, and annoint me once more Lord Jesus Christ. I ask for Your forgiveness God for meditations or acts by me that have dishonored or offended You. I thank You that it is that simple to ask and believe and it is done. Keep me, my family, and loved ones safe throughout today. I thank You for the BLESSED ASSURANCE of Your enduring, patient, matchless, endless, faithful, pure, perfect, amazing Love. To You I give ALL Glory and ALL Praise. In Jesus' name I pray and thank You. Amen.

Show me my path...or better yet, reveal Your Will 4 me

2009-03-08T22:31:00.001-04:00

So I started reading "He Came to Set the Captives Free" by Rebecca Brown...PLEASE THIS IS SOME HEAVY STUFF AND SHOULD NOT BE APPROACHED LIGHTLY....Ok that's my caution. I was forewarned but thought "oh yea''....yea...i'll leave at that.

But essentially in the whole book, I see how God already usually has us on our way...our the predestined direction/assignment/purpose for our life but does not completely reveal it to us. He trains us and sows the initial seeds to desire the end outcome He seeks through us. We're not placed anywhere by chance. And yes, God allows the devil in sometimes to discipline us and it is for our good. Though the devil, like Good Friday, thinks it's his own doing and can stand a fighting chance to win..but God in His infinite wisdom (1 Cor 1:25) crafts and orders our steps. What the devil intended for our harm, is used by God for His Glory and our victory...Joseph, David, Job, even Jesus...God is always at work, strategically ordering our steps. For "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."(Proverbs 19:21). "He is mighty and firm in His purpose" (Job 36:5).

Heavenly Father. Thank You for loving me. Thank You for Redemption, sending Your Son to die for my sins. I gladly yield leadership and control of my life to Your Holy Spirit. Search my heart, renew my heart, make me over once more to reflect Your Son and the fruits of the Spirit. Daddy I ask for Your forgiveness for doubting Your ability to take care of every one of my needs today. I ask for Your forgiveness for what I meditated upon or said that was not worthy of You. Strengthen me Lord to take dominion over my thought patterns and my flesh. Discipline me in Your ways. Console me in the comfort of Your arms. Thank You guardian angel for petitioning God to take care of me. Watch over my steps and guide me on my path of righteousness. Thank You God for Your watchcare over me and my family and my loved ones. I plead the blood of Jesus Christ over all of them and thank You for availing Yourself to hear my humble prayer. Thank You for being such an Awesome God who knows and sees all of me with a love soo great that never changes. Thank You Jesus, I sought and called out to You. Wanting to know You more. Thank You for Your faithfulness to lead me to Your heart. You are soverign, donned with all splendor & majesty, glorious in all Your ways. I pray and Thank You in the name of Jesus. Amen

Putting God in a box

2009-03-07T09:10:00.000-05:00

I have been working on the book of John and God has really opened my eyes that we're not suppose to place conditional expectations on Him...the "suppose to"....We're not suppose to do this or because of X, Y, and Z, this is suppose to happen. Throughout, especially the 7th chapter where the pharisees blatantly elevated themselves because they're knowledgeable of the law compared to the gentiles denounced that Jesus could not be Christ because he's not from Galilee...or He is not a student of the law. How awesome when Jesus shows them the wisdom and knowledge that He posessed and that we too can have it because God our Father generously gives to those who ask. Additionaly, even the disciples were guilty of doubting or looking at Jesus' words at a horizontal level. In the begining they often only saw obstacles or what couldnt be done. Same thing when Jesus began healing people...but Jesus knew that he had to teach by showing.

I'm thankful God to serve You. A God who has an open invitation for me to come and worship Him. Who does not coerce me. Who loves me inspite of my mistakes and faults. Who sees me through the loving eyes of a Father. For I am covered by the blood of His Son. And by that fact I am Yours God now and for all eternity. I belong to You. Bought at a price I could not pay. I didn't ask to be bought. But out of the goodness of Your heart, Jesus You came and finished the work that God had started. This leaves me in awe of the Godhead. Perfect in all Your way. Wise beyond wisest man. Esence of Love, patience, kindness, discipline, grace, and mercy. Daddy I'm sooo grateful that You are my God. Forgive me for my moments of doubt. For the limitations of what I am able to see. Open my eyes to always see opportunity, for You to move and have Your perfect way. It is an honor to be used by you. I praise You with all that I am and You deserve all the credit & glory now and forevermore In Jesus' name. Amen

I AM God's CHOSEN Daughter

2009-03-02T19:29:00.000-05:00

Ephesians 1:3-6
2 Timothy 1:9
Ephesians 2: 8-9

While doing my devotion with My Father. The Holy Spirit led me to this wonderful piece by Ken Gilbert that I encourage everyone to read (http://community.valleychurch.org/people/kengilbert/ChoosingorChosen.pdf) . I pulled an excerpt that was incredible in putting into perspective my relationship with God:

"I receive God's gift of grace through which I believe, and because I believe I have faith that saves me, and therefore I am justified, made righteous, according to the work done by Christ on the cross when He died in my place. And all of this has nothing to do with anything I did or didnt do, so I can never boast, and so God gets all the credit and all the glory. I must decrease so that He may increase. All glory, all honor, and all praise belongs to our God, and none of any of it belongs to me..."

God initiates a Faith relationship. He therefore called me. " For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed in the likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified."(Romans 8: 29-30). God chose me at the right time to pull me out of the world and train me for His Purpose in the body of Christ...Therefore any- and every- thing I do I cannot boast about. For it isn't me but the God in me enabling me to do it all in my new found identity. God WILL and ALWAYS get the glory...He's the Alpha and Omega. The eternal God. I didn't save myself from the world of sin...God did... I didn't have the strength to do it. If I did, I would have already been figured out this life thing already...but then I'd get the credit not God. And God does not share His glory with anyone. God is supreme. I still do struggle with the world, still waiting for Him to deliver me from a host of things....but God is yet still able to use me for His Glory, for His good work....In spite of my flaws and weaknesses...He is able to accomplish the supernatural in and through me. I'm not perfect. The only perfect part of me was bought by the blood of the Lamb of God = God's GRACE. He does all these so our natural response would be to worship Him and approach Him with a humbled spirit and grateful heart for His amazing goodness. Since my original parents sinned, and the wage of sin is death...I was redeemed by a God who loves me sooo much to send His Son to die for me...The only perfect acceptable offering to cleanse my sins once and for all... Unfortunately, I'm to live in this world with the carnal man i me. Forever stamped by the fall of man from Grace....But I am able to rise against the flesh by the Power of the Holy Spirit in me and the beautiful, sweet Grace of my Father. I CAN because God helps me. That's the only way to make it through. It is God, My Father, My strength, My Hope, with me through all of Life.

Thank You Father for creating me for You...For Your pleasure. Thank You for delighting over and in me. Thank You for choosing me - Your precious Daughter. I truly Am Your BELOVED...My DADDY IS AWESOME!!! :-D

" the Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children" (Romans 8:16)

Day 5/ The end of labeling

2009-03-01T22:50:00.000-05:00

Ok...so this vegetarian effort didnt work out. The meat from the baby shower...forgive me was sooo good. I really do love my meat and I think I do best when there's absolutely no food vs denial of essential food items. So I'm not doing the day counting thing...I'll just resolve to what I purchase as I eat down will be vegetarian healthy items. Plus...in about a week, I'll be preparing to minister Resurrection/Easter Sunday at church. Which means I have to place myself on a strict diet anyway...I really love our dance ministry because you do keep in shape. You have no choice...the thought of waging full on war with the enemy for 5 minustes solid while maintaining a confident smile and attitude, and also making it all seem effortless...definitely nudges me to hit the gym and get the cardio going.

Today I'm thankful that I'm never in the dark with God. I'm thankful for unique friendships who bring out the best in me. I'm thankful for the POWER of the Holy Spirit who gives me strength, when I cannot muster even the faintest smile. I'm thankful that there is a wonderful REST in GOD's LOVE 4 ME!!!!And I declare according to Your word in 2 Corinthians 5:17, "I AM a NEW creation, the old has gone and the new has come."

Face: Still drinking the apple cider vinegar, Cleansing once a day (mornings) with natural products. Evening with prescription stuff (till they run out)...I'm not breaking out as much and must admit, my face feels good, more moisturized...YAY!!!

Day 4

2009-03-01T10:23:00.000-05:00

God is my keeper. The million and one things I'm involved in, somehow He makes sure that I get on time to the ones that He truly wants me to get to. Last night, the baby shower started late and I had Bible Study that overlapped. I really didnt want to miss this Bible Study and I'm thankful that excuses and words that were creeping into my mind to convince me to stay & skip did not work. For today is the first day of my RESTFUL life in God's love for me. 1 John 4:16. I abide in God and the Godhead abides in me. I have been made righteous by Jesus Christ and established in eternal Grace. I laid down my fears at the altar yesterday and I can breathe and trust God with my cares. For Jesus came to "enable [me] to serve Him without fear, in holines and righteousness before Him all [my] days" (Luke 1:74-75)

I believe God that there are no failures with Him. All things work together for my good. And He called me and donned me with full splendor of life. I am SOOO excited to see what He is going to do with my life. For His Glory. For His purpose. That is my peace and joy as I continue to seek His Kingdom being established not just in my life but within my sphere of influence.

Thank You God. Amen

Am I Being Led by God?

2009-02-28T06:59:00.000-05:00

Why is it that only during a fast I can hear God soo clearly. I really dream of the day when it's a daily thing not just when I not eat. I love God and I love food. It's always a challenge but worth it...While doing my devotional, specifically writing yesterday's blog. I was lifting the peace corps and career direction to God. I do truly want to serve Him and I the Holy Spirit convicted me of pre-defining the capacity in which I would like to serve. God asked me "Am I truly Being led by Him?"....So for me I've learned God speaks to me through my thoughts and guides me through the word to drive home a point. While writing yesterday, I was in His presence, praising, worshipping, in the flow...He gave me these scriptures:

Jeremiah 2:10 "Cross over to the coasts of Kittim and look,
send to Kedar and observe closely;
see if there has ever been anything like this:

Followed by

Hebrews 10:11 but I included a few scriptures above to give context: "First he said, "Sacrifices and offerings, burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not desire, nor were you pleased with them" (although the law required them to be made). Then he said, "Here I am, I have come to do your will." He sets aside the first to establish the second. And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.

Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when this priest had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God. Since that time he waits for his enemies to be made his footstool, because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy."

In the first God was really mad at the Israelites for defiling themselves even after He brought them to and gave them the promised land. He accused them of trading their Glory through Him for gods & idols that could not measure up to God. God revealed to me that the Israelites were often into "seeing" faith. When God was not doing something, they often reverted to worshiping idols. How often in my life, do I try to create something...in the name of serving God???...How often do I start wavering on my hope while I know that God is always working...all the time...though I may be required to wait on Him...

In the second, God showed me that after Jesus came the law that the Israelites had used to measure their "holiness" was N/A...Isn't that amazing, for nothing I could give or do could make me acceptable to God. But Jesus came, and offered His body as the one and only acceptable sacrifice that has initiated an ongoing process of sanctification for me. He is the author and perfecter of my Faith. In addition, the Holy Spirit helped me notice these words that Jesus said to God: "Here I am, I have come to do your will."...Then I was led to Philippians 2:13. In summary, I realize that God is calling me to lay my will for His will. Which means....no strategizing, no self-planning, no dreamt-up goals, but pursuing His desires and purpose for my life. For I live not for myself but for God...God has challenged me to kill it all and allow Him to start upon my life with a clean slate. I think It's marvelous because I've seen testimonies in others' lives that always what we can dream up falls below and does not measure up to what God can do for us. Or how much He can bless us beyond our wildest dreams.

Abba Father...It is such a privilege to come before Your Holy throne of Grace and Mercy. You are a God of wonder, mysterious yet gracious in all Your ways. I ask for Your forgiveness for placing limits on You and what I allow You to do in my life. I'm sorry for a narrow-minded vision and following You with conditions. Help me Father let go and truly exercise my new self in You. Broaden my vision Lord... I'm really sorry Daddy and I thank You for assured forgiveness. I trade my dreams for Yours, I trade my will for Your Will, and I lay down all that I am at Your alter, desiring and receiving all that You want for me. Grant me strength to walk in this exchanged attitude and spirit. Knowing that You God are my daily portion and I'm provided for. Grant me a yielding and responsive heart, that waits for You to show me the first steps to take, trusting that You will meet every need along the way. I do desire to serve You. To play my role in furthering Your Kingdom in the earth and in my life. Holy Spirit I invite You to have Your way in my life. Use this humble vessel for Your Glory God. Thank You Jesus for the ongoing discipleship process. Thank You God for I am a new creation born and baptised with Your Holy Spirit. I long for a deeper fellowship with You and never want to be apart from You. Almighty God, Great Jehovah, I offer today to You to have Your way,... no limits.... In Jesus' name. Amen.

FYI: My skin is really enjoying being cleansed while moisturized. And round II shipment came:
-Black soap (solid and liquid). I intend on using the liquid as a complete body wash from face to body :-D
-Aloe Vera juice to be blended with Shea butter
-Lavender oil...Ahhh the fragrance
-Coconut oil...I'd eat it but my roommate tells me it's not sweet though it smells SOOO GOOD!!!

I'm soo excited to start my concoctions and really just loving my entire body and hair to health :o)

Day 2 & Day 3

2009-02-27T12:13:00.000-05:00

I think as I'm detoxing my body and cleasing face, hair et al...I should extend to other areas where I put my energy. I tend to over commit myself, and it's not out of duty but out of a large interest span...But my focus is to attain a clutter free spiritual, physical, relational, emotional, and financial life...Balance, peace, and contentment always in all situations.This message really hit home yesterday and has bled into today. How can God get through to me if I'm distracted by a million and one things. I tell myself I'd get restless if I'm not involved in a new project, but maybe God's telling me to slow down...so it ties into my prayer for a Mary annointing, because He knows I have been exercising the Martha annointing full well. Got that down pack...but to exercise grace, wisdom, discernment, I need to take a step back.

So I woke up this morning and decided to fast for lunch, just to refocus and also because last night I revisited a desire to join the Peace Corps (5yrs contemplating)...Since I got waitlisted for medical school and my passion to live a life of service particularly to the underserved is ever growing...I came back again. I'm lifting this in prayer to God for His feedback and guidance today. I'm presenting it to Him for His say because I dont want to act independently of His will for my life...Phillipians 2:13. And I want my life to be an ongoing Fellowship with God, not just when coming to Him when I need help, but trusting Him to make the big and little decisions in my life. And thereby Jeremiah 29:11 will always come to pass in all situations. God gave me 2 scripture references that I'm holding unto and matching everything to:
Hebrews 10:11 "God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect."....Notice "they" which leads me to believe in more than one plan for my life...Isaiah 42:16. Though I may not be able to see the outcome or know my way, He has promised me never to forsake me and to lead me. He promised me a clear path...as long as 1) I continue on it and 2) I trust Him...

Dear Heavenly Father, I praise You for life. I thank You for health. I thank You for love and my daily portion. I thank You for being right here with me and knowing everything about me. There's nothing that I can hide from you, only myself. Thank You even when I do stupid things, or act foolishly...You love me nonetheless...When I'm not exactly beaming with joy, or jumping to be of service to another...You convict me in Love always. I thank You for being the one and only constancy in this ever fluctuating world. As I grow-up in You, strengthen me to be the woman You have called me to be. Develop a godly character in me. I pray for grace to overcome every situation, being Content as Paul was before he declared that He can do anything through Christ, which strengthens Him. My desire is to please You Lord, show me how I can do that for You. How I can be of service to You. As I look unto medical school and the road thus far, I thank You for being right by my side. I want to walk with You in Spirit & in Truth. I lift up the Peace Corps to You and seek Your heart. Knowing full well that I will see Your goodness in the land of living. Even if You say "No" God, I still and will always choose You. For all You've done, are doing, and going to do in and through me...Thank You. In Jesus's name. Amen.

Day 1

2009-02-26T07:47:00.000-05:00

Lord I thank You for blessing me with wisdom throughout today and favor with men. I had wanted to volunteer plan for the first African Women & Girls and HIV/AIDS event, but had been refused. God truly uses people as His angels. I thank Him everyday for my manager who has been such a blessing, demonstrating grace and salt in all conversations and all situations. She's been fighting for me with the Director and finally I got the green light yesterday! That was great, I hit the ground running and made it to the planning meeting that night. God has blessed me with favor and enabled me to be resourceful in locating things at work for people, designing and planning projects. I know that these are part of my spiritual gifts and I pray that God, You will reveal more of the talents you've placed in me, train me in them, and send me on my assignments. Thanks You.

Day 1 of the change to vegetarian was uneventful. Dont think my flesh has realized yet what is going on. I've decided essentially to eat down what's at home, and only buy veggies. Essentially consuming and not being wasteful, but slowly transitioning and replacing.

I'm sooo thrilled and psyched to be going all natural. My first shipment of hair/facial/body products came yesterday and I also bought a few:
-Jojoba oil (face & hair)
-Tea tree oil. I used both on my face and they cleansed w/o drying...YAY!!! I also used the jojoba as a moisturizer. I'm waiting for my shea and aloe vera juice.
-Castor oil (hair)
-Apple Cider Vinegar: To drink, but I've used it for my salad dressing, lol...talk about multipurpose

My goal by summer is to be make-up optional and everything that I put on my hair, face, or body can also go inside of my body :0) On with day 2. Just finished a bowl of cereal...

I also bought these

Dance

2009-02-23T12:45:00.000-05:00

I attended a dance workshop over this weekend and was just sooo Blessed by the knowledge passed on. Why not dance? I love dancing, it's the one space I'm truly free from everything and led by my spirit. I'm growing in my knowledge of how I can use dance as my best worship...Nothing has changed, the dancing now is not horizontal, but vertical. I've been contemplating for a while and I believe God is asking more of me in that area. I've decided to start a cleansing and training period for the next 2 months. Enabling Him to abide and grow in me. Inviting the Holy Spirit to truly have His way with my instrument. Determining to live in Spirit & in Truth as a true wroshipper (John 4: 23-24). I'm giving God my body to move and minister in His name. To dance full out for my audience of ONE.

So I'm starting on Weds February 25th, 2009 and will endeavor to add everyday a detialed journal journey, adding another element to my Love Journey With JESUS :o) What better way to use my gifts and passion for dancing than to Praise Him who blessed me with them in the first place. Part of my effort to lead a purpose-driven life.

I believe God has been speaking to me about dance. Some recent happenings:

1) After the dance workshop...I felt His presence, felt really close to Him and it was the best feeling ever. This shows me how amazing and powerful dance is able to connect me to Him. Also that whole day was soo peaceful, flowed sooo well, and everything worked in synchrony. Dancing is my prayer and best worship. And God received it and Blessed me so well the whole day.

2)My roommate..."the bestest in the world!!" sent me a piece on Guidance:

"Dancing With God: When I meditated on the word Guidance, I kept seeing 'dance' at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing. When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow with the music, And everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky. When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, Both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back Or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another. It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness, And attentiveness from one person And gentle guidance and skill from the other. My eyes drew back to the word Guidance. When I saw 'G': I thought of God, followed by 'U' and 'I'. 'God, 'U' and 'I' dance.' God, you, and I dance. As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust That I would get guidance about my life. Once again, I became willing to let God lead..."

3) One of the first scriptures I had to memorize in Liturgical Dance Foundational Class was John 4:23-24. This morning, during my brief devotional period...I read "the Language of Love"...guess what the reference passage was John 4:7-27.

Lord I have received these messages from You. Help me Holy Spirit place the pieces together. Help me worship You in Spirit and Truth, for these are the the type of worshippers You seek. Thank You for calling me to these ranks. God show me how to carry-though faithfully on Your instructions and directions. Teach me how to love, nurture, and to take care of this instrument You have given me. I pray that You are not only glorified at the end but eact step of the way. I trust Your guidance. In Jesus' name. Thank You. Amen

Re-Dedication

2009-02-23T12:35:00.000-05:00

Soo...been busy that seems to be the ongoing theme for the past few weeks. And I had a revelation earlier today:

-The devil is a liar....had me busy, concentrating on "other" things - late night cleaning, cooking, eating, searching for stuff, reading other things and not the word...that have affected my most precious time with God = personal prayer. I confess that though I have enjoyed fellowshipping, reading, and staying up past my bedtime, I've neglected my morning time. So I need to re-dedicate myself to God.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for enabling me to exercise the gift of discernment and opening my eyes to things that have been and are trying to disconnect me from You. I need Your Grace and Power Jesus to return to waking and resting in God's presence. I confess that I have neglected Our time together and there are some conversations between us that have been delayed because of that. I ask God for Your forgiveness for pausing or hurrying Our conversations and special time. I cannot picture my life without You and never want to be or grow apart from You. So I re-dedicate myself once more to pursuing You with a passion. As I prepare to cleanse myself outwardly and inwardly, I thank You for forgiveness, for unconditional love, and my new identity in You. I entrust You with my entire being and all areas of my life. I really love you Jesus and in Your name I pray. Thank You God. Amen

Mary Annointing

2009-02-20T07:04:00.000-05:00

Heavenly Father, Thank You for life, Love, and Food. I thank You for my total unconditional acceptance. That a Perfect God chooses to love an imperfect being like me leaves me awestruck... Your goodness and faithfulness, I know all too well. Along with Your Compassion that never fails. God, You truly are a wonder to me. I thank You for my family, friends, and job. I thank You for preserving me in Your grace. I thank You Jesus Christ for enabling me to be victorious, climbing out of valleys and doing the supernatural by the power of Your Spirit that dwells in me. God, I pray for Your comfort and encouragement especially in times when You are silent and when I'm going through. Help me remember that You are my Father and You were, are, and will forever be sovereign. Especially when the pressures of the world, feelings, and perceptions try to tell or lead me otherwise. I pray for steadfastness upon Your word. May it take root and hold of my heart. I humble myself before You acknowledging that You are God and You do not owe me anything. You choose to do with me as You please, for Your Glory. But I thank You for Your abundant Mercy & Grace. May my heart be yielding and responsive to You today. May my actions exemplify my Faith in You. Help me Jesus continue and persevere on this road of Faith. May I always chose to be like Mary and wait at Your feet. Casting all aside and breaking my alabaster perfume in adoration for You. You've asked me to count the cost of following You, Jesus and I still am saying Yes to You and Yes to Your way. May I always chose and do what pleases You. May my humble being glorify You in Spirit and in Truth always. Thank You for daily provision. Thank You God for Your promises and perfect Will that will come to pass in my life. Thank You for always being there. In Jesus' Name. Amen

God is my Father

2009-02-17T10:47:00.000-05:00

The past few days have just been soo joyful for me. Intense release, freedom, pure-amazing-perfect joy coming from an expectation. For those who've journeyed with me, you know I'm believing for a huge move this summer. I feel it in my spirit, though I do not know where. This morning, I got word that I'm on "waitlist"...I've been waiting all my life for this decision I think I can wait for God's outcome. I continue to pray that Lord dont permit me enter, if it's my ambitious, relentless, stubborn, self-willing, self...I am waiting for Your Will to be made manifest in my life. No man, thing, or situation determines my destiny...but You God. I allow You Jesus to lead me where You want me to. Even when I kick, scream, and yes even if it causes me pain...Have Your Perfect Way & Will in my Life.

Listening to: "I Understand" by Smokie Norful

Thank You Lord, for speaking to me this morning and encouragin me. I stand in agreement with Your Will for my Life. I thank You for Your promises that will come to pass in my Life. Praises to You God. You are worthy of all praise, all glory, and all honor, forever You reign :o)

The Cross

2009-02-12T07:45:00.000-05:00

Oh what a bitter sweet sight!!
A King left His throne,
Donned human body.
Teacher, Preacher, Lover, Friend, Father, Brother, Savior.

Humiliated by us.
Rejected even by closest friends.
Abused, Mocked, Flesh Torn.
God's Perfect Son paraded as a joke,
Only crucifying crime was being
"King of the Jews"

Perfect trinity:
From the 3rd to the 6th hour
God stood still,
Heaven watched and cried.
King of Sinners bleeding to death.
Creation screamed!!
Darkness enfolded the earth.
Scripture completed.

At the Cross,
Mercy & Grace,
Perfect Love, compassion, humility, and obedience.
Resulted in access granted, eternal bond created,
We donned Freedom,
Born anew, redeemed, restored,
By blood God's children can call HIM ABBA Father!!!

May I never forget what happened for me at the cross even in the midst of suffering. May I always consider it pure joy to be broken for You, Jesus. (Hebrews 12:2-4) "keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of God's throne. For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, so that you won't grow weary and lose heart. In struggling against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood."

Been a minute but God is still sovereign

2009-02-10T07:37:00.000-05:00

Soo....it's been a while that my fingers have hit the key board. There's soo much to write about but soo little time....well more like, I've a lot of reflection to do... So this might just truly be a rambling, lol

A few years past, I had a degree, a pretty good job, friends,
and a seemingly wonderful "outward life"....
But there was a gnawing, ever widening, emptiness that reigned
from dawn to dawn.
I'd have given about anything just to "feel"
Emotions-Anger, pain, love, and yes even hate...But these were just words

Every night I cried...
This life thing plainly SUCKED!!!
I knew not what I lacked, but felt an un-describable need.
What I needed was not in the world,
or else I wouldn't be this way
-drained, lifeless, numb, in a daze.
Crying inwardly, for a meaningful life...or just any life that wasn't mine.
It took every strength in me to painfully exist,
Every emotion to muster an empty-hearted smiled.

I was void, of feelings, purpose, every-and any-thing...until...
October 27, 2007
Seems almost a memory away.
On my knees, I reached out.
You knew I would come back to You,
And there You were as You promised,
Arms open wide, welcoming me HOME

With everything I cried to God, On my knees I surrendered ALL
If this was life, I didnt want it!!
If this was all there was, No more for me!!

I fasted, I prayed, I gave up that which I thought was pleasurable, I gave up friends,
I gave up dreams, desires, goals, I gave up all that I found of value or thought of any worth
FOR YOU GOD.
And Jesus did set my heart aflame,
with a hunger and a thirsting that grew more intense everyday.

In Your loving & gracious hands Heavenly Father, You allowed me to break, fall apart, lose myself to almost insanity. The tiny fibers that had tried to hold a fragmented, fragile life unraveled soo swiftly, I lost all grip, all control.

All emotions came flooding in, Joy, Pain, Shame, Guilt, Anger, but the best of them all LOVE...Love of You loving me....Love of Me responding to You...Love of SELF. And finally I was broken...so You could do what You do best heal through TLC.

All of me and perceived identity was shattered. All that I was holding unto, unforgiveness, hurt, anger, they seeped out of me, bled into my veins...and finally out of me.

Now as I reflect over the past couple of months and 2008, What I have received in exchange was worth the brokenness. I Thank You for EVERYTHING (yes the good, bad, ugly) that has happened in my life. They all turned my heart back to You Daddy...

Now I have Love, Peace, Joy, Life, Dreams, Desires, but most importantly I have You JESUS. I'm excited about my new life in You and with You. For all that I am and able to do...Is in gratitude and because of Your compassion.

COMPASSION...Thank You God for my word. For You have been faithful to demonstrate just that in my life. God, You kept Yours...Help me Holy Spirit model all that I am after Jesus. Amen.

What is the purpose of my Faith?

2009-01-30T07:56:00.000-05:00

Why do I believe? Why do I sacrifice alot of things in relentless pursuit of God? of Faith? I know questions such as these are not often welcomed. You're "supposed" to believe, to get it. But truly how many people "get it"??...My response is just more of a declaration...

1) God created me for His purpose (Phillipians 2:13, Jeremiah 29:11).
2) God desires me to be a mature Christian (James 1:4). And in order to attain it, I have to be tested so my Faith that I declare/claim may be proved genuine (Romans 5:3-4, 1 Peter 1:6-7)
3) Faith keeps me in God's grace = God's love and protection (Romans 5:1-2).
4) But most importantly "Without Faith it is impossible to please God" (Hebrews 11:6).

So I will reach, I will strive, I will give...because everything in this world, even our mortal bodies are temporary and transient. But God, the Eternal Father, was, is, and will forever be Sovereign!!! I think there is no other obvious decision... I chose You God and still will... Be praised through Your Son Jesus Christ and Your will made manifest through me. Amen.

God's Heart

2009-01-29T06:54:00.000-05:00

I keep returning over and over to God's love because it is incredible. He loved me soo much that He gave His only son to die for me (John 3:16), not because of anything I did or was going to do...but just because He is God. I think that's the greatest distinction between us humans, our definition of love, and God's. We as much as we try not to put conditions on the love given, getting upset when things dont go as plan or the desired response is not obtained. But there are moments however when pure perfect godly love comes through. A mother's love for her child, buying someone lunch, volunteering in disaster relief, being the open arms where someone can find rest and relief, a friendly welcome home smile for a returning soldier in the airport, a grateful heart for a need being met by another's random act of kindness such as a rebuilt home for a family....the list is endless...we as humans do possess God's heart, but sometimes we chose to display it and sometimes we don't. God on the other hand is faithful to love Always. That is my strength, assurance, and source of my joy.

Holy Spirit, thank You for Your guidance everyday. May I continue to strive to be more godly and holy in all areas of my life. Father, just as Your word says in Romans 14:7-8, "For none of us lives to himself alone. If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord". Help me alwasy remember that You are my God. You are in control of my life and my purpose is to bring a touch of heaven in earth. Lord Jesus Christ help me model my life and faith after Yours. All these I ask in your name and receive in faith. Amen

I am Responsible for my life

2009-01-28T06:52:00.000-05:00

While reflecting on Mathew 25:14-30, I felt God telling me I am responsible for the talents He has given me. I can either be faithful to them, develop them, use them and see the fruits of my efforts multiply for His glory or hide them and never use them. God created me and has the blueprint of my life. He knew why He placed me right here right now.

Heavenly Father, I acknowledge that You are the Almighty God, my God, majestic and magnificent. Thank You for the spiritual gifts You have given me. Help me grow and cultivate the talents You have given me. To You I owe my life, You created me. Holy Spirit continue to guide me not only do any work I have been given, but to do it well. Help me multiply the talents God has placed within me to build a part of His Kingdom. To serve God alone, to perform, to give unto God alone and not seek affirmation from men. I desire Lord to walk in continued submission to You. Thank You and In Jesus' name I receive. Amen

Day 21 - God IS Love

2009-01-26T17:48:00.000-05:00

I keep going back again to this because all that we often seek in the name of "L-O-V-E" is found in Him. Looking at the scripture of ALL love scriptures 1 Corinthians 13:6-13, I gather the following:

The number of times God has been longsuffering with me while I got my act together. Running away from Him, seeking in all the wrong places = He is Patient and perseveres with me... Or better yet His Grace and Mercy that are renewed everyday, all of which look past my daily offenses = He is forgiving and kind. He is able to make relationships NEW daily!!! He will not move in my life unless I permit Him = He respects my free will and He is not rude. He loves me from afar and will not impose even when I'm like a stubborn child = He respects my freedom and is not self-seeking. Everyday I wake up anew, no sins, just a God who delights and loves me = No records of wrongs. He always keeps me even when I'm stupid and do dumb things = He is not easily angered. He protects me like the great Father He is and always wants what's best for me = He protects, He hopes, He trusts, and He believes in me. He provides for me, has and always will be FAITHFUL to me = He never fails. When He moved into my life, I became whole. Through Jesus, the Best gift I have ever received = GRACE.

I AM GOD's BELOVED and He is My LOVE :-D

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Day 18 & Day 19 - Inverse relationships

2009-01-24T11:35:00.001-05:00

God has a sense of humor and inorder to follow Him one must cast off your wisdom, thinking, understanding, and perpective and take on that of inverses... This doesnt make sense but all we already practice it. For example, you have to cut your hair frequently for it to grow, to lose weight you have to eat more. The difficulty I find is I'm not relying on me and my strength, but on God's ability and His promises. Yes it is internal, but not my "self/flesh" but His "Spirit" in me.

My journey right now has me passing through "waiting". Waiting this time around is much better...I know what results when I try to hurry God's promise along by stategizing and scheming according to what this world confuses me to think "works", I also know the pure joy from watching God really move through a person. This time around God has really been speaking to me and minsitering to me that I trust Him. This brings me to "inverse relationships" and how God operates. He gives a BIG Dream or Word and then everything just goes downhill or so it would seem, bringing doubt, pain, confusion, impatience, and a yearning to return to the familiar because there's no end in sight. But all along, God works His way and as long as we cooperate we wont have to wait for His will to pass like the Isrealites spending 38 years looking at the promise land.

While completing the 5th chapter of my study guide "God matures Faith through waiting" (By Faith: Living in the certainty of God's reality), it hit me that the greater the difficulty experienced and the challenges while waiting...the greater the joy when God's power and ability is made manifest in our lives. I remember having cried out and prayed asking God to move me to a higher place of praise...instead I landed into more difficulty...Be careful what you ask for in Jesus' name... But I'm grateful nonetheles, because He has taught me...How can I praise Him more if He hasnt led me through some tough situations?!? How can I experience real and true glory when I havent been disciplined through life experiences (Hebrews 12:1-13)?!? Jesus laid it all down for God and received His glory after His death (John 17). How can my praise be genuine...if it does not echo my heart and come from a place of joy and completeness in God?!? How can I truly stand, if I havent cried, struggled, failed, and persevered?!? God is faithful to meet our requests in a way that truly brings us through shining as gold and Him being obviously...Glorified & Praised.

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the corwn of life that God has promised to those who love him" (James 1:12)

Day 18 - God desires to make us Mature Believers

2009-01-23T08:05:00.001-05:00

Today's devotional was based on Jesus' Rest offer (Mathew 11:25-30). All we have to exchange is our worries, concerns, fears, doubts, even desires and goals...to be trained by Him and used by God. It's incredible to think that my Heavenly Father is concerned with how my life turns out. Wants me to truly experience this life that He created for me and His most precious Son and darling died for me to have.

I was also led to reflect on "waiting on God"...This will never grow old because we always wait on God at multiple points in our lives. Right now I'm waiting on Him to open the door for me to be a physician. On source of hope though is that God's Best for us usually is goes against what the world would consider "Best". He matches meaning and guaranteed success behind His Best. And since God never fails and the last time I checked He is still sovereign! I know and believe with all my heart that where God is directing me is His choice for me. As I wait I've seen God training me in areas I'm weak, preparing me, molding me into His reflection, and it's incredible. All I've been able to accomplish since turning back to Him has been AMAZING!!! I wait with patient eager anticipation of the life ahead of me with God :o)

Heavenly Father, creator of heaven and earth. Thank You for being Faithful to me...Faithful to complete Your perfect Will in my life. Be thou glorified in and through me. May I never depart from Your presence. May I always find joy in doing Your will. Teach me how to place all my trust and hope in You. Thank You for forgiving me of all my sins. I desire more of Your Spirit in my life to be the woman You created me to be. Thank You Jesus for the cross. To You belong all power, all glory, all honor, all praise for ever and ever. Amen

Day 17 - My Direction

2009-01-21T22:57:00.001-05:00

My Soul cried out!
Wanting! No-Needing! Desperately
to be rid of the increasingly consuming emptiness
and the black-hole vacuum within me!

Amidst the steady stream of tears,
You simply said "I am Your Jehovah Rahim"
Merciful and Kind - You are...but most importantly COMPASSIONATE
A word I though I knew but,
All wise God,
You showed me pure compassion,
Are teaching me genuine compassion,
so I can demonstrate Your loving compassion to others.

I am Free,
I am Blessed,
I am ABLE,
I AM all these and many more because You For-(me)-Gave
Jesus

Now,
I can strain towards the goal - Your Goal set before me.
I can Love with a passion ever burning & renewed by You and for You
I can LIVE AGAIN toGether with YOU
I CAN

Thank You Heavenly Father for Hebrews 11:40 "Because God had kept some better thing for us, so that it was not possible for them to become complete without us." I asked for a purpose...but You showed me You had already given me on, including a direction and a vision. But first I needed You, needed to grow in Your love, needed to really know You. As I continue to grow and all signs point to Nashville, TN. Help me grow in the areas I am weak...particularly where it involves me an You. Father help me put ALL my trust in You always and in all areas of my life. Prepare me for where You're taking me. And may You be glorified through me. For I desire to make You sooo proud of me!!! In all that I do, may it be done well and Your name be praised. God be my strength, hope, dreams, and joy throughout my life. I ask and thank You in Jesus' Name. Amen

Day 12-Day 1: Hope

2009-01-21T22:47:00.000-05:00

Wow!!! This weekend I was there. Travelled through 8 states, in the presence of over 2 MILLION people!!! Saw Obama...the hope of a nation sworn as The President...The first African-American president...

Tonight's blog won't be long or intense but simple. In one man we place all our hope, we trust him to do what's best for us, and we love him for who he is...It's interesting how even non-believers admire the same qualities that are the very nature of our God, eternal King and Creator of the universe. On Tues. Jan. 20th, I prayed with over 2 million people on the Mall "The Lord's Prayer"...This must be a small example of how God hears when all His saints pray and call out to Him, all agreeing in unison that He is GOD! On this day...I believe in Big Miracles, not just daily ones of finding a parking space or favor with your employer on a project. But Large-Scale-Red-Sea parting miracles!!!! God is a good God, faithful, inspirational, our lover, and our keeper. Always remember Him and you'll be blessed always. Stay true to His principles of walking in love at all times and demonstrating justice and mercy to all...for no law set by man can find fault in the teachings of our Lord Jesus Christ. If you find one let me know...

Day 11 - It's simple

2009-01-15T20:05:00.001-05:00

Soo I finally started my journey into the book of John, the disciple who became a son to Mary once Jesus gave His life at the cross. I notice he write very plainly but with passion, demonstrating Jesus compassion and the truth about Him very clearly. I've just paused at the conversation in Ch. 3 with Nicodemus.

Jesus as usual talking plainly, and Nicodemus like most of us existing in "clueless land". And I pray that God will not just bless me with revelations but also understanding and wisdom too. What use is a good word if it is not understood??...

I'll focus on John 3:14-16, which took me back to Numbers 21:4-9. I realize, just like the Israelites I do grumble or get frustrated at times when I dont have my way. My past life was going in circles, though I'm grateful it does not compare to their 40 yrs of circling. Moses gave all who looked at the snake life...whereas Jesus gave us eternal life at the cross. This repetitiveness shows me the consistency of God. The way He operates is nothing new and He is always faithful in His ways.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your faithfulnes and patience with me. I thank You that even when I do not act my best, You still love me. I promise to receive Your instructions, to wait patiently for You, and to not doubt Your Grace being in operation whatever the situation. I recognize that You are always working even when I do not see the fruits of the goodwork in me made manifest as quickly as I would have it. Help me Holy Spirit keep this promise as best as I can. In Jesus Name. Amen

I believe in my heart that every setback Lord is an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to praise You. I believe all You're asking me to do is simple = trust You...

Day 10 - I ask of You for You Lord

2009-01-14T13:43:00.000-05:00

Mathew 16:24:25 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it."

Heavenly Father, Thank You for being my Father. Thank You for Your incredible Love, that was perfectly demonstrated at the cross. Lord Jesus You promised in Your word that if I lose my life in Your name...I will find myself in You. I look at You with an intense hunger ever growing, ever yearning for something much greater than I.... It has turned my focus to You...for I know something in my heart draws me to You everyday, encourages me everyday to seek You and come to You. My heart can only be satisfied by finding whom it loves...and it tells me it's You.

So God I ask in Your son's name to fill me up with Your Spirit. I ask to lead that impossibly great life for You. Accomplish insurmontable challenges, marrying all that I am and do to the cross. I desire not to live for myself but for You. Be glorified through me Jesus. May your grace never depart from me. Forgive me of all my sins and thank You for redeeming me. Thank You. Amen

Day 9 - Unending Process

2009-01-13T12:02:00.000-05:00

I'm just part of an unending, ongoing worship and eternal praise that has been since the creation of the earth. That is incredible to me! Before I was...God was praised by generations traced back to Adam... He is has been worshipped through the ages and generations to come will do the same...that is AMAZING! The heavens, the earth, the creatures, over and over God's amazing glory and beauty and infinite wisdom is displayed everywhere. AWESOME CREATOR!...So while I'm here and have time I will worship You God in body, mind, spirit, and in truth. Cleanse me anew once more. Show me what hurts You. I ask for Your forgiveness for all my offences both intentional and unintentional. Continue to teach me Your truths. Open my eyes and ears to truly experience the world as You see it not as it presents itself. I thank You for guiding my way in the unknowns and darkness. I thank You for being my hope. I truly understand that I belong to You. You brought me into this world, and when I leave...I leave with You and no other. Pull me close to You and keep me forever in Your warm loving embrace...Be one with me God in everything!!!...whisper Your secrets to me...instill in me a child-like spirit always. Father lets live life together! I trust You :-D

Day 7 & Day 8 - Answer to my prayer for security in God

2009-01-12T12:36:00.000-05:00

Gen 4 :7 "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."

Gen 14: 22-23 "But Abram said to the king of Sodom, "I have raised my hand to the LORD, God Most High, Creator of heaven and earth, and have taken an oath that I will accept nothing belonging to you, not even a thread or the thong of a sandal, so that you will never be able to say, 'I made Abram rich'...."

Today while doing my devotion God gave me Gen 4 & 14 to reflect on. And I believe He gave me this message "Do not leave my presence if you want to live". For in Him I have all that I need. My hope and security is in Him, and Him alone. In Cain and Abel's story, God tells Cain to resist the devil for his purpose is to destroy (John 10:10). In Gen 14, Abram goes into action as soon as he finds out that Lot was captured. He rounded up his men, planned a strategic attack, and with God He was successful! I think my question from God is: How hard Am I willing to fight to reclaim what is mine and fight to keep it??...It's only with His help and no one else...

Reflecting on the story of Cain and Abel has always left me curious... How God rejected one offering and accepted another... Both were first fruits from their hardwork, but the Spirit led me to understand that God searched their hearts and that's why Cain's was rejected and Abel wasnt. Cain's heart was unpure and you can see what he did = killed his own brother... I think this message is still relevant today. How people go around with outward pretensions of being holy, while their hearts are unacceptable to God. It doesnt matter what they do because God operates by the heart and He knows all intentions behind every act. So as for me...Lord create within me a new and clean heart everyday. Continue to search me and Holy Spirit help me present my unconfessed sins to God. Help me seek restitution with those I've offended and with God always. Amen.

As I just wrote this my player is playing " Today (As for me and my house)". I know there's no mistake in this moment, that while I'm reflecting on this passage God this song plays in the background. These lyrics have always touched my heart:

Today I choose to follow you
Today I choose to gi ve my'yes' to u
Today I choose tyo hear your voice and live
Today I choose to follow you

Verse:
As for me and my house
We will serve you
As for me and my house
We will spend our lives on you

ChorusBridge:
Wonderful counseler ,
Everlasting Father,
Eternal King ,
Lord of hosts
Willingly we follow

For Your name, for Your sake
(We will spend our lives on You)
For Your name, for Your sake
(We will spend our lives on You)
Yes Lord, for Your faith, for Your faith
We will spend our lives on You

Very simple song... I believe that God is encouraging me to continue on towards Him. As I come to Him in His son's name, He keeps me, He is faithful to me, I belong and have access to Him at all times. To know that The One and Only True GOD loves me and wants to live my life with me, I say yes with arms extended high!!! He is my security and that makes me content :-D

Day 6-Purpose

2009-01-11T07:27:00.000-05:00

I've been wrestling with this subject for quite a while now. And as the years progress the more haunting this subject presses on my mind. Ever since recommitting my life once more to Jesus, I must admit it has been a journey. What He's enabled me to accomplish has been wonderful...too many memories to list. However, I will say this...though they were exciting, incredible, emotionally overwhelming...nothing would be more amazing than living in my purpose. Dont get me wrong, I know I'm where I need to be, and I'm being used to bless those around me. I get confrimations everyday, through the Word, or too many un-coincidental events. But my heart searches and longs for THE ASSIGNMENT...

I've decided that since last week God revealed to me my talents/spiritual gifts,...this next week is revealing my purpose. Aligning my will with His. His direction and vision for my life. What He created me for and How my life can bring Him Glory.

Yesterday I was privileged to attend a bible study on "Purpose". There's soo much that was given me and I have some reflection and evaluating and talking to do with God...which is great! I cant wait to receive His answers. Only God who knew the questions in my heart, about the direction and the upcoming opportunities in my life, would send me to a place where the Holy Spirit can reveal God's plans for me. Only God, would know that when I had questions no one could answer...questions about my "true identity", would surround me with people at the right time with the answers. Only He because Father, You know everything about me. There's nothing hidden within me...The darkness is not really dark as it would present itself to be.

This 2nd phase of the fast begins Your revelation to me what you have made me to do for You. I'm sooo excited!!!

Day 5 - I recommit myself to You

2009-01-10T05:34:00.000-05:00

Psalm 62:5 "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone. My HOPE comes from Him"

Lord the desires in my heart are soo great...Dreams of doing great things for You. Living out Your purpose for my life. I relinquish all my desires, aspirations, all that I find of worth. The only precious thing I have I return to You. I give You my heart and recommit myself to You. For I acknowledge how easily I get distracted by everyday life and dont give You my best praise, best worship...You who has already given me Your best - Your precious Son.

Father I want to live for Your glory! I want to live an impossibly great life for You! I want more of Your Spirit in me! I need You everyday! Open my eyes and ears, enhance my ability to see and hear You! Holy Spirit search me, if there's any unconfessed sin then reveal it to me! A new heart, more Faith, refreshing and double portion of the Spirit, I cry out loud, in Jesus Name.

The past 5 days You have sustained me, shown me Your compassion, strength, grace, and mercy. My work nor any other area of my life has suffered, and through it all You've kept me still. I ask that You continue to reveal Yourself to me in a real and personal way. Jesus I want to know You more. You said in Your word that "whoever finds His life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Mathew 10:39). And I believe...Empty me of myself and use me as a vessel filled with You....Live out through me.

I lay everything down and I return to You once more as a prodigal daughter. I know I'm back where I belong = In Your Presence. Glorious God, Sovereign Jehovah, Almighty Father I thank You for all that You are doing in my life. Amen

Day 4 - Your Grace is sufficient

2009-01-08T23:59:00.000-05:00

I started off today thinking...it's gonna be a long day Prepping for meetings, finishing projects, a very busy day. I was prompted to start praying for peace of mind and strength at work. Got to work called on a fellow sister in Christ to offer up prayers for guidance on our day-to-day activities...God answers prayers!!!!

-Copier and Printer jams right before leaving for our monthly meetings
-Last minute revisions after printing
-Technical difficulties of the worse kind = equipment not doing what they're suppose to do...

The list is endless, but through it all, I was as calm as the waves at a tropical beach on a cool summer's day...though I'd like to be there right now...But my point is God answers even the tiniest prayers if we present it to Him and trust that He will come through. I know He came through for me. Through it all I was smiling and just in a state of rest...I guess this is what Jesus means when He says come to me all who labor and I'll give you rest. He desires to take on ALL our burdens, worries, fears, and concerns. He can make every situation good.

Lord I'm thankful that You are concerned with ALL areas of my life and desire to see me happy and thrive in Your good work. Once I'm off this fast, please help me remember Your limitless goodness, and Your Ability to do anything. Help me remember that You are my God and that's where my focus should be. And when I drift away, Holy Spirit I need your help to refocus and reorient me in Jesus Name I ask. Father be thou glorified in me always. Amen

Day 3 - Actively Watching For God

2009-01-08T06:49:00.000-05:00

So this blog is about my love journey with Jesus...and He gave me a more concrete response on Day 3 :John 17

This is the most beautiful, perfect prayer I've ever read and It's for me. Though His death was fst approaching, His hunters climbing the hill to arrest Him and start the long torturous, humiliating, degrading, painful process...Jesus blessed the Father. Thanked Him for using Him to be the light of the world, to glorify God yet while He was still in the world. Then Jesus prayed for His disciples, that God would protect them and strengthen them for the belong to Jesus. AND next He prayed for me...a believer. One who has not seen but yet believe in Him.

Jesus asked God on my behalf to know God = eternal life. To partake and share the love that is between Him and the Father. This makes my heart rejoice and I know understand real love found in John 17.

The key points I took away are:
-No one can seperate me from Jesus' or God's love (John 10:28)
-I came to Him because He's in me and I'm not rejected (John 6:37)
-Jesus came for me, to rescue me (John 3:17)
-God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit were before this world was formed ( Gen 1:1)
-I belong to Jesus and was given to Him so that God would live through me (John 8:51)
-Jesus shared His wisdom & knowledge, He lived with us, He loved us, He walked this earth with us. He is a friend. (John 1:4, 15:15)
-God sent Jesus and Jesus obeyed (John 8:42, 16:27)
-I am commanded to help others with the most amazing helper = Holy Spirit that dwells in me (Luke 22:32)
-The world will hate me because I am not of the world. But I am commanded to serve Jesus by exercising mercy, love, justice at all times, like He did. (John 10:38, John 15:19, 1 John 3:18)
-I am made clean by the word (John 15:3) andGod has been faithful to cleanse me of my sins for He is righteous (1 John 1:9)
-I partake in His glory if I serve Him (John 12:26)

My favorite that sums up everything = God Loves me, Jesus Loves me, and I am forever in their love...(John 15:9-17)

"9As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.
Now remain in my love.

10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love,
just as I have obeyed my Father's commands
and remain in his love.

11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you
and that your joy may be complete.

12My command is this:
Love each other as I have loved you.

13Greater love has no one than this,
that he lay down his life for his friends.

14You are my friends if you do what I command.
15I no longer call you servants,
because a servant does not know his master's business.
Instead, I have called you friends,
for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

16You did not choose me,
but I chose you and appointed you to go
and bear fruit—fruit that will last.
Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

17This is my command: Love each other.

Day 2- All I Need is YOU

2009-01-07T07:59:00.000-05:00

How incredible it is to have a King leave His throne where He was in Glory with the Father...to sacrifice himself for our sins. I'm grateful to have a compassionate God who love me soo much to humble himself, walk this earth, associate himself with sinners, and opens His loving arms to receive me...All of Me...just the way I am with my faults, and failures, but chosing to see His beauty in me.

Just thinking about this brings me joy that I serve an incredibly gracious God of Love and great Mercy. By Grace I am saved, not by any acts or sacrifices...God saved me because He loves me and wanted to...He didnt have to...He could have left us under the law...But in His infinite wisdom and abundant love. He asked His Son to walk the earth, teach His creation, create disciples who's eyes are open to the truth about the real kingdom. Jesus obeyed, walked by Faith, taught us how to relate with God...How to Fellowship with God. Before Him very few knew our left from our right...

As I continue on with this fast I know and believe in my heart that at the end my spiritual eyes will be focused, my ears will be ever listening keenly to the Spirit, and my heart will be completely open to You Lord. Thank you for being longsuffering with me as I crawled, walked, stumbled, fell...perseverance and character are developing I know that full well. I know that You Will complete Your work in me. I know that I will not be the same anymore at the end of this fast.

Glory to Your Holy name Heavenly Father. You Are With Me Always and You hold me. All I need is YOU....

Day 1 - You Alone Are God

2009-01-06T07:32:00.000-05:00

"It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy" (Romans 9:16)

Day 1 of my church's 21 day fast was filled with pushing through intense sleep. I was sleepy from when I woke up, while at work, while commuting to church for evening worship. Reflecting on this, there were times I wanted to forsake what I said I would do so I could sleep...telling myself I could leave early...or I could go next week....but there's soo much I would have missed out on. My personality profile being taken and my eyes opened to who I was created to be, the talents God placed within me. I learned that who I've always thought I was is consistent with my profile. I am a peacemaker/diplomat/one who is faithful. This gives me more than enough to believe that we have to persevere always, inspite of how we feel...for what is to be gained is worth it. Though it is not a compelling, intense, or profound story with incredible trials...this just reminds me that God expects us to follow through on every task and committment each day...to be faithful where He has placed us...He is a wonder

God has called us to be His children, to be used for His Glory. I keep returning to the fact that He created me...and as anything created...I am for a purpose. What right do I have to argue with Him? He does as He pleases because I belong to Him. I can be obedient, or kick and scream like a 2-yr old having a tantrum, but His will always comes to pass. If I refuse, it still comes to pass but someone else gets the honor and blessings. I dont know about You but I want to be chosen, called to do something great or small for Him. To be used by God, now that's an honor...I choose Your way God....Your Life God... Sensitize me to Your spirit, I pray for swiftness in obedience, break all resistance to Your will in me...create within me a new heart, sanctify, and change me to whom You want me to be. Amen

We cannot look unto this life with our own personal desires...everything is temporary and will pass. But we have a God who reigns now and forevermore, unchanging, perfect, sovereign, and almighty...He is and soo much more :o)

New Beginnings

2009-01-02T00:27:00.000-05:00

As the entire world watched as 2009 ushered in...hope, joy, optimism filled hearts everywhere. As I reflect on day one of the first day...It dawned on me that we get new beginnings with God everyday. We get a new year everyday...the promise of a day with Him, serving Him, fellowshiping with Him, learning about Him. A day of hope that no matter what comes, we're not alone. The promises of a new year...hope, joy, prosperity, love, health are available to us who believe in God's amazing grace and live by faith--EVERYDAY. This is plenty reason for me to praise God everyday for bringing newness, a fresh start with Him every dawn when I wake up to a bran new day. Hallelujah!

Lord I than you for my devotional piece and promise this morning. I know in my heart and believe that this is the year of favor, a great harvest, of celebration and rejoicing in your Blessings in my life.

Joel 2: 18-27

The Lord's Answer

"Then the Lord will be jealous for His land,
and take pity on His people.

The Lord will reply to them:
"I am sending you grain, new wine and oil,
enough to satisfy you fully;
never again will I make you
an object of scorn among nations.

I will drive the northern army far from you,
pushing it into a parched and barren land,
with its front columns going into the eastern sea
and those in the rear into the western sea.
And its stench will go up;
its smell will rise."

Surely He has done great things.
Be not afraid, O land;
be glad and rejoice.
Surely the Lord has done great things.
Be not afraid, O wild animals,
for the open pastures are becoming green.
The trees are bearing their fruit;
the fig tree and the vine yield their riches.

Be glad, O people of Zion,
rejoice in the Lord your God,
for He has given you
the autumn rains in righteousness.
He sends you abundant showers,
both autumn and spring rains, as before.
The threshing floors will be filled with grain;
the vats will overflow with new wine and oil.

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten-
the great locust and the young locust,
the other locusts and the locust swarms-
my great army that I sent among you.
You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
and you will praise the name of the Lord your God,
who has worked wonders for you;
never again will my people be shamed.
Then you will know that I am in Israel,
that I am the Lord your God,
and that there is no other;
never again will my people be shamed.

Many are the plans in my heart

2009-01-01T10:47:00.000-05:00

Thank You Lord for an incredible night and morning of worship. Putting on your armor and waging war through dance. Father I thank You for moving, for seeing me through praise and worship. There were moments when I felt my muscles tightening, my weary hands and thighs...breathing...I asked for strength and received Praise God! Thank You for being able to stand the gap and take watch not just for myself but for my family as well.

Ok...so let me get back to the title of this blog...I'm thankful that Your purpose always comes to pass. I was unsure how I would get from Boston to Stoughton and back home without a car. But I kept dancing and it was interesting how I did not worry because in my spirit I know everything done for You succeeds...and that is true. I got a ride to Stoughton, I got a ride back to Boston...and was adopted by an incredibly loving family for the ride back to my apartment. Though we had 5-7" of snow fall that evening, though it was 10 degrees and probably colder because of high winds...You kept me safe, warm, and loved. Daddy I want to experience this peace and joy @ all times, everyday. It was incredible! You are incredible!

Thank You for teaching me how to rest in You...to Trust You...to enjoy & live the life I was created to experience, bringing You Glory in ALL that I do :0)

-Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails (Proverbs 19:21)
- In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. (Proverbs 16:9)

Your amazing, beautiful, wonderful, BEST always prevails

I encourgae You to allow God to strategically order your steps in everything and trust You will be blessed in return. He created You...He has the blueprint for Your life...He is a Creator...and noone makes anything without a purpose...A carpenter builds a house to provide shelter, a business man opens a shop to sell goods, a potter makes a vase to hold flowers, a painter paints pictures to be displayed for others, a musician writes music to be heard by others....the list could go on. You, just like your Father are creators, we make things that serve a purpose. He made you for His purposes...dont resist, accept and embrace for His plans for your life can only be made perfect with Him in it.

"God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect" (Hebrews 11:40)

And if You're feeling lost, He's always much closer than You think. This is my favorite scripture:

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them."

(Isaiah 42:16)

My God

2008-12-27T00:18:00.001-05:00

Reflecting...Lord..You gave me warnings, You gave me words to see me through this storm. It's amazing how one can start a day overwhelmed, intense emotional turbulences, pain, sorrowful..but end with praise...Only You God give me strength to push through, to praise through the storm.

As I reflecton Lamentations 3:22-23
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

28 Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.

29 Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.

30 Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.

31 For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever.

32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.

33 For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to the children of men.

I cried for compassion and You came through...I have never felt soo much love today. From co-workers, non-believers, complements Father that gave me a smile. Apparently my "casual" is considered "elegant". Cards from friends with Love, Love, Love...all around...You are incredible and wonderful the way You operate Lord. Love from my dance ministers Lord, laugh, encouragement, warfare dance and prayer. Liberation and joy and freedom and playfulness in spirit....God I always knew You created me goofball, child in alotta aspects...That is how You desire for us to approach You, with childlike faith-

Quick to Trust

Quick to Forgive

Quick to Love.

Thank You God for showing me Your love throughout today, for providing for ALL of my needs today and everyday. God Great God, magnificent King...My life is Yours :o)

The Promise

2008-12-26T12:05:00.000-05:00

Consumed till it hurts...
I never knew loving would hurt soo much...Again
Once more...I face the "whys?", "what if?"
Emotions intense -the physical pangs and throbs of an aching heart is all I feel...
No words to describe..but allowing myself to feel - once more...

Dont know why it hurts,
when a part of me wanted you gone.
Maybe at times I say things or wish things but dont really mean it...
But this time...I had to choose...My whole being knows it's for my good...
No more resisting, I'll cry, I'll laugh, knowing full well I'll live

This time around God I know You walk with me.
That is my strength, my hope, my cry.
I said this before and say it again
"I dont care how much it hurts or what it takes, do it Lord for me"
I know with You I have to be careful what I ask for,
But You are MY GOD and You promised me NEVER will You forsake me,
And I believe...

You will channel this energy into a passion ever consuming, yearning and desiring for You.
A new heart, brandished from trials, filled with a Love unlike any other - Your Love
A grateful, giving, kind, patience, humble, joyful, longsuffering, gentle, good, faithful, meek, temperate, trusts, protects, perseveres, & hopes (1 Cor 13: 4-8).
I believe to accomplish that for which You have purposed me to do...I need Your heart (EZEKIEL 37:26-27).

Can I just say I'm not really looking forward to the days ahead...but I know I'll get through. Because Your Grace God will never take me where You cannot protect me... I believe Lord that You are sufficient for me...You are gracious and Love...I'm holding onto Your promise to me --Jehovah Rahim...I'm in need of your compassion right now...You're teaching me how to Love. Thank You.

Learning to Walk with You

2008-12-22T22:42:00.000-05:00

I woke up with You...I didnt know how much I needed You till today happened. One word "Thank You"..okay maybe 2. All I'm trying to say is, I was overwhelmed, pushed to the limit, but You sustained me through...a smile hear, a much needed hug there, laughter from him of all people...Thank You for favor with people. Thank You for Holy Spirit for giving me songs to sing to calm me down, for keeping me focused, and GOD for Your strength throughout today. I really did feel You, watch You move in my life today, see You hold me up...

With bloodshot eyes I stared at the screen...it's been 4, 5 hrs...lost track with the pressure and one goal to compile everything together. Waves of frustration try to rise up ever so often, but You distract me, restore me, re-focused and re-energized, I push on...one task at a time. One question at a time...one purpose = complete what I have been assigned. Lord I pray that You will reveal Your one assignment for me to me. I know I'm relentless, determined, and at times strong willed...but I desire to be all these and soo much more for just You God. Channel all these abilities within me to do Your will, bringing You Glory in ALL that You assign me. Thank You for preparing me for You.

Learning to yield

2008-12-21T14:41:00.000-05:00

Over and over I keep revisiting you...the haunting questions that won't leave me alone...somedays I can ignore you, but others, i just can't seem to find the mute button. I've dared to believe and dream...

Just cant help wondering...what if I never see that reality...

Regardless, I choose to hope in the smallest possibility, that you just might be real and it's right around the corner. Why? Because hope keeps me going, dreaming of endless possibilities of what could be...that you are real...

Father I thank You for creating me. I thank You especially for loving me EVEN when I make stupid decisions. I'm sorry for my moments of weakness, feeble attempts to act on my own will, and mistrust of Your faithful, loving, character...for I'm sure that these do hurt you. I need Your help in living the life You created me to experience. You who are love, teach me your truths, show me my way...You promised me that the goodwork You started in me, You and only You will carry it through till completion (Phillipians 1:6). On this word I stand, by Faith I believe that God you will make me whole. Thank You Lord, because I know years from now I will look back and thank You for the process and the journey... for calling me, for equipping me, and blessing me. I believe God that my trial pales in comparison to my rewards, I believe in Your Love for me as demonstrated once and forever by Jesus Christ...I trust You God

God's Gracious Hand

2008-12-11T05:55:00.000-05:00

As I reflect on the past 1 year...I can see Your hand Lord, guiding me, encouraging me, being faithful to me, through it all...the questioning, the uncertainty, the fear. I can boast now of knowing that You are a compassionate God indeed...loving to all you've made (Psalm 145:9, 17-18). You were much closer than I felt. You strategically ordered my steps leading me straight to You...Even when I could not see your hand by being sucked up by this world and trying to please people, I can say now that Your God have a GOOD HEART ALWAYS....

Thank You for calling me to You. For picking me up and turning me around. I know it sounds cliche, but I truly do feel what I am expressing and understand the weight of my statements. You are simple yet complex, compassionate yet just, perfect and holy. Thank You for giving me hope. Thank You for having carried me through life thus far and where You're taking me. I know even in the desert You're with me, when there's no one else...You've promised never to forsake me (Isaiah 42:16). I celebrate You with my life, I lay down all I find of worth, I turn my struggle to align with this temporary world and please people, I surrender all for Your purpose, I invite You into my heart...flood me God with revelations and truths. Show me how to walk by and in Faith at all times, light my path, change my attitudes and perceptions...I trade anything for You. I give You my life and I thank You for allowing me to see myself as precious and beautiful..the way You made me.

Incredible, magnificent God my God--Jehovah Elohay

Help Me Let Go

2008-12-02T22:17:00.000-05:00

Father I read in your word today how a thousand years is like a day to you...how oftentimes we want what we want and reject what you give us. In the end, we're hurt, frustrated, angry...I started thinking...maybe it hurts soo bad because we "want" soo much. It wouldn't hurt if we wore our desires like a lose garment, here today gone tomorrow...it wouldn't hurt as much if we accepted your giving us what we need and us letting go of what we want. You know what's best for us all the time, you know what's ahead of our life, what's to come...so why do I struggle with letting go...daddy why cant I trust You completely, with EVERYTHING???...What's holding me back from saying and giving my YES! to you?...Lord Jesus, there's a work that needs to be done in my heart to make me whole...I dont care how you do it...how painful it is...and how much I am resisting...I ask You to take over my life and finish the work You started in me. Amen

Untitled

2008-11-29T10:47:00.000-05:00

Lord you gave them to me...the emotions, the way I see things, the way I think, my childlike trust, persistent optimism, and desires...God, You created me for Your purpose. What You have placed in me God is good enough for Your amazing purpose for my life, all that I am, with my flaws, my faults, all that is in me is just enough for You...nothing added and nothing taken away...I am enough for You. You, God, will never give me anything that can break me, I know that all that I experience...all the seasons, are meant to bring out Your Best in me...And Your Best...is better than any plan I can come up with, Your Best is not material, or people,...Your Best is that I reflect You. That I am defined by You, my life is for Your glory, that whom I had been created is dead...but I have a new life in You.

I thank You Lord that I'm still a work in progress...I may not know how long it will take, though sometimes I grow impatient, You are sure to remind me that You are God and I should remove the limits on You. Why would I want Your permissive will, when I can have Your perfect will, if I wait on You...So daddy God, I don't care how You do it, how long it takes...Go ahead, I give You my will, my desires, and dreams for the future. I yield total control of my life to You. I ask for Your grace and strength to watch-guard all that You have entrusted me. I know every new level brings a new devil, but God You promised me that: Greater is He that is in me, than He that is in the world (1 John 4:4). I trust You God...and I know that what I ask from and off You will require me to be tested before I can be molded no more...I pray for wisdom, discernment, strategy, and supernatural favor to give me hope and encourage me on my journey...I pray for the strength to just STAND when everything is gone, when there's nothing I can do...to just STAND on your Word, the truths of Your character, and in Faith.

In the name of Jesus. Amen.

I no longer will...I am....

Sara Groves-Just Showed Up For My Own Life

2008-11-24T11:00:00.000-05:00

Spending my time sleep walking
Moving my mouth but not saying a thing
Hoping the changes would take by working their way from the outside in
I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface repairing the holes in the shiny veneer

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real
And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real until I'm truly amazed
I'm going to feel all my emotions
I'm going to look you in the eyes
I'm going to listen and hear until it's finally clear and it changes our lives

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real
And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Oh the glory of God is man fully alive
Oh the glory of God is man fully alive

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Be reconciled to God

2008-11-24T07:36:00.000-05:00

While doing my daily devotion...God reminded me of what Jesus did for me. God used Jesus to make peace with me, to look past my sins, and now nothing can or ever will separate me from Him by the comletion on Calvary...God is a good heart, over and over the Israelites hurt Him...how horrible it must be for Your creation God to reject You, distrust You, hurt You, run away from You, think it knows better what it needs than You...Its Creator....God if there's anything in me preventing me from having a full amazing relationship with You...take my desire for it from it. I know that there's Love in You, Joy in You, Peace in You, Strength in You and SOOOoo much more...I need Your grace this morning, I need Your mercy everyday...I want and need just You incredible God. Thank You for reminding me that a King! Left His throne...was tortured, rejected, abused, mocked, and killed for me-a sinner...I didnt do anything to deserve this Love...Jesus I thank You...because only You, Your complete obedience to God purchased my freedom and gave me life. You knew I would need You through my life...God I invite You into my life...me & U forever :o)

The melody of my life....

2008-11-17T06:47:00.000-05:00

Thank You God for Your word this morning that assures me that You will never make a mistake with Your amazing plan for my life.

As I ponder on today's devotion (Ecc 3 9:14)...A few things jumped at me. That everything in my life will be made beautiful in its time...not my time or when I want it, but its time. Also, that I cannot even imagine what God has done on this earth since the beginning of time or will do long after I'm gone. He intended for me to be right here right now. I thank Him that I have a job and I can enjoy the fruits of my daily hard labor. He is such a good God to allow me not only work, but be able to handle what I do. It makes me reflect on an orchestra, how any great symphony is controlled by a Maestro. How there are soo many varied instruments both big and small but all serving unique roles....how some instruments start while others wait...how sometimes you need quite a number of violins to create a harmonious sound, but sometimes might need just one. God is an artist and is making the melody of my life rich, varied, and vibrant. The highs and the lows add a touch only He can, because He was there through it all...

Thank You God for your promise that you started a good work in me and will be faithful to complete it. (Phillipians 1:6).

GOD is a good GOD

2008-11-15T09:45:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning and finished my morning devotion...I thank God for opening my eyes how he used my passion for music and dance to pull me back to Him...God is a really good God. He loves me when I fall, when I turn from Him, give Him less of me, and especially because I'm not perfect. Why? Because when He does things in me and through Him it's all for His Glory! That to me is incredible. In 2nd Chronicles 16:9 "The eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to show Himself strong for those whose hearts are completely His". God wants a great relationship with us, He wants to help us through life, but we have to let Him and invite Him in. God, who is a good God, gave us free will and He will not invade this. So it's our choice to say YES TO YOU LORD ALMIGHTY... He listens, He cares, and is compassionate to all He created. I woke up this morning with soo many songs in my heart, but my favorite response of them all "I called....You answered...and You came to my rescue, and I wanna be where You are..." I thank You God that I am a new creation in You. You are my love, my life, I wanna get to know you more...let's cease the day together :o)