Undeserving...

That is the truth about my status and who I am in this world...All that I have and constantly receive are not given because of who I am, but because a Perfect God chose to love an imperfect being. Lately, I have been receiving a number of questions from the Spirit. Some of them convictions and others are for me to ponder. I invite you to reflect on them and may the Spirit guide you into all truth as you daily live, move, and have your being in God through Christ.

1. How do I spend time with God?
2. How do I make spending time a priority along the levels of eating and taking a shower?
3. How can I step away from routine time with the Trinity and make it exciting, spontaneous, and beautiful?
4. If God's majesty resides in me, how am I tainting it or allowing its full Glory to be revealed in and through me?
5. How can I live and walk in daily Grace, Fullness of Love with God in Christ by the Power of the Holy Spirit?

Transformed - Neille Francoise

Abandoned Self - Living with a Promise

Fear has many dimentions that can extremely handicap a person. Sometimes the mere thought of failure prevents people from trying new things. Afraid to lose.

I dislike how the scars from past pain and frustrations somehow become fresh when I encounter new situations with seemingly familiar predictable outcomes. All I can hear in my head is "Here we go again...different characters, same story" so why bother. Setting an expectation tends to produce its reality. Afraid to try again.

Above all...I believe the worst type of fear is underestimating one's ability and inner strength. Instead of seeing greatness, one perceives weakness. Afraid to be...

Today while coming in to work, a thought occurred to me: "What would it be like, if I could live daily in full knowledge and awareness that since all things work together for GOOD in Christ (Romans 8:28) then ALL needs are met in Him, so why allow worry and fear into my mind and spirit?". Think about it...how amazing would it be to wake up each day with joy in abundance, serving others out of love, and not worrying about any situation because God's got you?...Easier said that done. We live in a world filled with distractions, temptations, and horror. Just as having faith the size of a mustard seed can empower a person to command and move mountains (Mathew 17:20), so too can a seed of doubt and fear terrorize one's soul. Whatever seed you have sow internally within your mind/spirit will produce fruit demonstrated by your outward actions...it is a matter of what you nurture and what you prune. Yes, God has got us and promises to do so always, but we are called to walk in daily faith of this promise.

Somedays its easy, especially when all is blessed and favored. But the days and seasons of the valley are the test of faith. Just as Jesus woke up before dawn to pray, so too must we stay ahead of our dark seasons and valleys, so that when they do come we can fight the good fight of faith.

Make today Your BEST day! 

Awakening

It has been a while but this time I have decided to do a new take of just writing and releasing and in a way giving back to me - Self-Love... Where have I been and where I am going are pretty long stories...all I know is what matters and that is now.

With God, there will always be seasons. Periods of intense joy, direction, hope, beauty...but then there are the "other" seasons. The ones we do not want to go through or would rather speed right through. That is the fatal error, because if you read the fine print, they are more likely to repeat themselves till we get the lesson straight. So here I am, though it hurts, I hold unto hope, I have Faith that Love NEVER fails, and that beauty remains.

Have you ever had those moments or days that it's such a struggle to be happy. Sometimes I pass it off as the monthly time blues, but what if the spirit is trying to tell us something...

I pray God to You today not because I am suppose to but because I need to...Let my heart be open to receive Your love this day. May that love transform my mind, thoughts, emotions, actions, and reactions. I do not want to possess but be free to give. I know that there are times that I may not feel love, but it does not negate the fact that I am ALWAYS Loved by You. As I revisited Derek Redmond's 1992 video again, I was encouraged to remember that You will never let go of me, even when it hurts and I cannot even stand...the promise is I am kept and held by you. Help me remember this and You always. Thank You God for another day of growth, of life, another day on my journey. Amen!

My Testimony - Where I've been, Who I am, and What I will become

I can reference scripture upon scripture, pinpointing what you should and should not do as a Believer. How effective would that be in conveying the Love of an Awesome Maker? You would most likely turn a deaf ear to me saying "I don't need another lecture"...I believe that over the course of the stories in the Bible, we are moved from an external, ritualistic, and legalistic approach to God and faith, to an internal, relational, intimate faith (mind, heart, and soul). From the rules of Moses to the announcements  and warnings of the major and minor prophets Elijah, Isaiah, Malachi...to the power of the resurrection through Christ and the gift of the Holy Spirit.

I was born and bred Catholic...raised in the church, mass servant, cadet of Mary Immaculate...the whole nine yards. I always had a heart for serving God and loving Him. At an early age I was committed to becoming a nun. My spirit always came passionately alive in the House of God. I was notorious for skipping school to go to church, to worship, and to serve...I adored God and everything about Him!... Then I walked away...Looking back, my Father's heart must have been deeply broken by my actions.

Life happened and I reacted by shutting down and closing up. I built a wall around me, around my heart, that helped seperate me from others and kept me numb from - My parents seperating and dividing the children, assaults from close family members whom I trusted, betrayal, depression, fear of failure, almost losing my mother twice...all these and many more I am sure you can relate to, became like a cancerous tumor within my spirit. People who try to help people like me often fail to realize that the walls we build took YEARS!!! Every block and layer of cement that made up my wall was a piece from a major life event that further alienated me from everyone and everything. Opening up to help would have meant having to wrestle with surrendering every block...At first it was about control and self-preservation and then later, I had been that way for soo long I did not know how to let go...it translated into seeking environments and people that would feed that darkness and re-affirm the need for a sealed-off heart.

I am sooo grateful for the Father's love for me. Who never forgets His promises or His beloved. He never let me go...even though I had turned away. I was lost in a void of depression, helplessness, anger, and despair...Through every dark episode, every hurtful reality...I failed to see my God reaching out for me. I was blind from being in the dark soo long that I had learned to just keep my eyes close. Having gone through I comprehend Romans 8 much more intimately...For some horrific experiences God allowed to happen in my life, I am grateful. They took my childlike simple trusting love to a real passionate wisdom-filled relational love. Those painful experiences He did not allow to happen...but out of disobedience on my part...He held onto me so dearly, preventing me from completely breaking and dying. I know what I know...that just as God pulled me out of a wreck involving my completely totaled coup and a tow truck...He can save me from Life's Goliaths...taking the good, bad, and ugly things about me and make them beautiful for His purposes.

No, I do not need to jump out of a plane to get an adrenaline rush...or drive a car 500mph for speed...Where I've been pumps me up for Where I am now, and excites me for where I will be in the future. I am grateful for being able to experience life knowing that My Father will NEVER let go of me.

This is my Love Journey Eternal. Praaise God :-)

Prayer Part 5: Your Will be done IN Earth as it is IN Heaven

Your Will Father...Mathew 26:36-44

This is another life-long lesson topic but is of utmost importance. Do you often make plans for what you are going to achieve by when, only to realize that the "by when" did come...but the "achieve" never happened? Do you have hopes for the future, aspirations for greater things, ideas waiting to be realized...but here you are still waiting, struggling to believe, vacillating back-and-forth? Prayers of When God? How God? or even Now God! Petitioning in every manner you have been taught to pray, believing that maybe this time might be the breakthrough...yet you are still there...waiting...

I have been working with my Father in this area. This past Sunday I was able to attend one of the bestest church that targets young adults and presents the truth in a very relevant manner -  Mars Hill Fellowship Church. As I reflected on the day's message, it hit me - total surrender is God's will. So I asked God, "I want to serve you but I find it difficult to surrender that which I do not yet have". My answer was found in James 4:1...the desires that rage within. This indicates that there are "fleshly desires" and "Godly desires" in battle within me, and the only resolution is to submit to God and give Him all my desires. Trusting Him that when it really matters, His Will will prevail.

Though I struggle, deep down my heart's desire is to please God and be obedient to Him. I pray that my life is led how He wants me to live, accomplishing His priorities, and giving Him all the Glory in every way. Thus far, this I know for sure - I have laughed till tears ran down my face and almost lost breath, I have experienced hurting pain to the point of numbness and depression, I have pressed to the point of almost passing out, and I have received unmeasurable undeserved blessings. Through it all, my God has been lovingly, protectively, passionately, generously, tenderly, kindly, and faithfully with me.

Today I am grateful for the raging desires, which bring me daily to my knees seeking wisdom and discernment. He has given me His general will in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 and as far as the specific what to do when, I am grateful that I do not have all the answers. I am forced to come to Him for my daily bread, because He knows my heart may have good intentions but left to my own I would soon forget like the Israelites...I may not know it all but my God does. I Believe Him and I Trust Him.

Let Your Will Father, not mine, be done in my life, in this earth...as it is in Heaven

Prayer Part 4: Thy Kingdom Come

Since I began this study of the Lord's prayer, I have noticed that each study "part" tends to play out in real life during the subsequent week. During worship...oh,"Hallowed be thy Name"... it was a beautiful experience, praising God, love and passion and purpose were my daily bread. Then came part 4..."Thy Kingdom Come"...

I believe that The Kingdom of God is a state of being...for though we live in this world, we are not of this world. We have been born again and have a greater knowledge of the Sovereignty of the Eternal Kingdom of Yahweh. I can only imagine what heaven is like...with peace, love, joy, laughter setting the atmosphere where the Most High dwells. A place of pure perfection and with every heart drowning in the fullness of the Glory of God...but till that day comes, we are here... Called to be His people, to be faithful, to persevere, to honor Him, to love His creation to wholeness, to bring into reality His vision into our sphere of influence, and be Christ-like everyday.

The past couple of weeks, was filled with a series of tests and trials that led me to this conclusion: The Kingdom of God is a state of being. It was as if every day brought another problem or series of anxiety causing situations that tried to keep me worried the whole day. Yes I did keep in mind God's will for my life in Christ Jesus: Rejoice always, pray unceasingly, and in all things give thanks, but did I practice it in all situations = NO. After barely crawling through to the weekend, and making it to my prayer closet for succor...the Holy Spirit helped me replay the events of the week...illustrating to me how easy it was to be a part of the enemy's yo-yo games. He showed that everything involved a choice - to be and walk in peace, to radiate joy, to love despite feelings. But we are never asked to do it alone, for our limited power will always come up short...God promises Grace, Mercy, and all that we need of Him to honor Him.

When Jesus gave the Greatest Commandment Mark 12:28-34 I believe He was directing us to this state of conscious being, always keeping in mind God and others. Imagine a world where everyone is serving God and others...not a single person's needs will be unmet.

My Lesson learned for Part 4 is this, entering the Kingdom of God requires three things:Accept, Approach, & Allow
1- Accept and believe that it does exist, for it is available to you Mark 1:15
2- Appraoch it as children Mark 10:15 with simple faith and trust and joy
3- Allow it to do a work in us that produces good fruit as a testimony Mathew 21:43 all to the Glory of God

Yet again, another Selah or Praise worthy moment...A God who has made it possible for us to partake and sample of the inner workings of His Eternal Kingdom yet while we live in this world. Choose to bring His Kingdom in all areas of your daily lives...challenge yourself and ask for Grace. God will not fail you

Prayer: Part 3 "The Names of Jehovah"

"Hallowed be thy name"

Jesus directs us to exhalt the name of God. First I will present a list, though certainly not exhaustive, of the Covenant names of God. Each time in scripture God gave a promise in the word, He sealed it with His Name or a revelation that speaks to His Character. For example: Moses was grappling with how God not only wants Moses to stand before Pharoah but to lead a nation...God stated what He intended to do and the outcome. He sealed it with greatest name "I AM WHO I AM" (Exodus 3:14)!!!

God is who or what He says He is....reflect on your life as you go through this list and see how God has been different things to you in different circumstances...Faithful when all, maybe even you, were faithless...loving, compassionate, vindicator, the strength when you were frail, the life giver when hope was but a memory...the only one who has and always be there...HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS ALWAYS!!!!

Jehovah Elohim - Eternal Creator (Genesis 2:4-25)
Jehovah Elyon - Lord most High (Psalm 7:17; 47:2; 97:9)
Jehovah Elohay - Lord my God (Zechariah 14:5)
Jehovah Jireh - Lord my provider (Genesis 22:8-14)
Jehovah Ropheka - Lord my healer (Exodus 15:26)
Jehovah Shammah - The Lord is present (Ezekiel 48:35)
Jehovah Rohi - The Lord my shepherd (Psalm 23:1)
Jehovah Tsidkeenu - The Lord my righteousness (Jeremiah 23:6; 33:16)
Jehovah Shalom - The Lord our peace (Judges 6:24)
Ehmet - Trustworthiness
Channun - Gracious
Rachum - Merciful, full of tenderness and compassion
Arek-aph - Longsuffering, not easily angered or irritated
Jehovah Hoseenu - The Lord our maker (Psalm 99:5; 8, 9)
Jehovah Mekaddishkem - The Lord our sanctifier......

And the list goes on and on... Who is God personally to you?...Therefore and rightfully HALLOW BE HIS NAME!!!!

As children of God, established in full assurance by the Blood and the mark of the Holy Spirit, we inherit all the covenant names of God given to Abraham, Jacob, Isaac, Moses etc...God is and so much more LORD and SOVEREIGN for all eternity...and yet He loves you and wants you to be His....That will always cause me to Praise His Name Above all!!! Blessings :)