Birthing Pains

Birthing to me:

-Forced/pushed out of the world you've come to know, come to formulate theories about how things function, come to be part of you...been comfortable in, been nourished in, have lived in up to the moment of birth.

-Birthing = being moved from a suspense in time in existence to something much greater than you...a new life much bigger than you can imagine!

-As the constractions or force get stronger, you have no choice but to go with the flow. It has to happen, it's just when....

As I reflect on these random first thought statements, I realise this is where I am... The Me who's been with me for soo long, in the shadows of my present reality, screaming to LIVE to HELP me, to SHOW ME HOW...unfortunately, till now they've been all nothing but faint whispers. It's time for the Christ in me to rise up...no longer will she be hushed. Be free...


"I say it out here...so my SPIRIT can hear it in ME..."
"I say it out here...so God can hear it in ME!"

The pursuit of self-actualization

So I decided to add onto my journey "The Power of Now"...My first lesson was interesting, essentially I learned that my sense of self-worth and identity are not tied to my mind. I've been working on putting the exercise into practice of a) listening to the voice in my head, but being impartial, not passing any judgement, but just observing the voice aka "the thinker", b) focusing my attention on living in the now, intentional attention to what I'm doing it and seeing it as an end of itself...It's wonderful how the teachings re-emphasize those in the bible...inorder to live we must die to self or carnal man, and allow the spirit-man which is connected to God to live in us. It is a battle for the mind-my mind...and it's great that i've already decided the winner...sorry flesh buddy you gotta go :o)

I'm a new creation, the old is gone and the new has come. I cried out over a year ago for You Lord to fill the void in me and you heard me just as You promise over and over again in Psalm 34. You're nearer than I feel, you know me, you watch over me all the time. I thank you Jesus.

With You....

For the longest time, I racked my brain on why God wants us just as we are...To think He wants me, this me...with ALL my flaws, my comical stupidity, my monthly mood swings...it's easy to list, but more Awesome to think that Jesus wants us...no changes...

I realize that God just wants to be included in our everyday. Take today for example, I got up worked out, went to work, did work, talked with co-workers, ate lunch...fairly normal day nothing special. But it was incredible, I felt loved all the time and FREE!!! It's because I sing to Him, I listen to His Gospel being sung, I fellowship with other co-workers by giving a positive word, listening, or just a smile. And through it all including Jesus was amazing, taking time...just 10 seconds to say Jesus I Bless your name and I love you..or praise to God Alpha and Omega. My day went much smoothly...whatever I needed just seemed to come to me, brought by someone. I remember my 3pm snack attack and I had peanut butter, wishing I had an apple to accompany it. Moments later, my co-worker showed up with a HUGE APPLE!!! Or leaving work to go shop for a replacement pot, I had to retire the old pot...after lucking out on a really good deal and excited to put the pot to work (yes, i know, cant help it...i love to cook and eat)...stepped out and it was kinda chilly....didnt really feel like walking 20mins up and over the bridge to the train...I wished the #8 would come and take me to my doorsteps....and the bus showed up. Another praise moment...It is true that when the praise goes up! Blessings come down!

I'm really excited about this new life with including God in my MAJOR and minor decisions, living moment to moment with Him. Holy Spirit I never want to be apart from you. Thanks You for loving me, for bringing me from my wandering tendencies, and snapping me back to what truly matters GOD, Our Father...My creator :o)

Glorious God, awesome and majestic, safety net, way maker...joy and life giver...Praises to You God of love = The Great I AM!!!

Life Tidbits

Nothing too poignant today...but however...learn to give unrestricted, be it money, love, time...you never know the impact you'll have on another till u just give and allow yourself to be used to bless another. My focus of the day was involving conversations and prayers with Jesus throughout the day, as crazy as it may seem, was amazing...things go much smoother even in the midst of deadlines, boss demands, planning parties, lol... I'm glad God uses me to bless others, through my actions or giving someone a word. I do believe that God is blessed when I follow-through on what I said I would do and He receives it.

Thoughts in Prayers

So will reading "He loves me, He loves me not"....Trish Ryan comments on how Jesus kept directing her to the "pearl parable", about how you should not throw your pearls to swine and how you should not throw your sacred to dogs. She thought-provokingly stated "I was forever throwing my pearls (my body, my mind, my heart, my soul) in front of pigs, hoping against hope I wouldnt be trampled. I'd spent the past decade in front of a swine stampede, begging God to change whatever pig happened to mow me down". And it hit home...I had been trying to get God to "change" the ones that I picked instead of waiting for the one He has chosen for me...and I had to stop and praise God for saving me from dogs and pigs. Because looking back I could have ended up in a hot mess...since Jesus called me to Him. I trust You Lord, to cleanse me and renew me...change me into Your precious pearl that will be a blessing unto someone else's life. Mathew 13:46...make me a worthy treasure to be found and greatly valued. Thank you in advance for I know God that You can make it happen. Amen.

I've been thinking

Today was like watching a car wreck in slow motion...i slipped big time and it just rolled on to the rest of the day. I ate solid food at a meeting...I realized how easy it was to rationalize it but how short-term the enjoyment lasted...It's like the more I tried to avoid it, the more I thought about eating the food, and then when it was offered I could not refuse...didnt think twice...I was shocked but it reminded me that even when I slip and mess up big time, though I may not feel too good about myself, God still loves me and I'm assured forgiveness...Father God I ask for your forgiveness, and acknowledge that I am a sinner...I thank you for loving me past my iniquities, for your Love banner over my life. I desire sooo much to walk in your ways and on the path of righteousness. I ask for strength in practicing self-restraint and discipline in all areas of my life. I thank you in advance for your desire to use me. I know you have a plan for my life and it is always working. I thank you though I may not understand. In jesus' mighty name. Amen

Our first Ministry is God

So while doing my afternoon devoption...wham! Again, this is incredible. The Holy Spirit revealed to me how God is opening up my eyes how easy all the things we put so much weight/concern on could be easier WITH HIM....essentially work, jobs, chores day-to-day activities can drain but they are not our first primary purpose in life. GOD should be our focus, He should be the only issue of serious concern...I realized how all the things around me can easily become distractions apart from Him...He guides our ways (Isaiah 42:16) and knows what's best for us. He has an amazing promise for hope and future...incredible, BIG things if we would submit to Him...first off is the promise of Life...and it's true, the ugly angry head that pops up when I'm hungry and tired hasnt visit even though I havent eaten anything for almost 2 days has

Bloom of Our Love (Jesus & Me)

I claim you definition of me "I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys" (S.O.S. 2:1).


Revelation 2: My S.O.S. is the Song of Songs...in which there is a response....You have been with me all along...Jesus my lover, my heart, all I've been longing for...it's You. You are amazing, I feel like screaming Hallelujah till my voice is out!!!! This new life, new world, new way is amazing and I thank Jesus for finding me and shepherding my wandering soul into God's AMAZING LOVE AND BEAUTIFUL GRACE :o)

Revelation #1

Today was an extremely busy day...new position, meetings, trying to absorb it all in and praying that all that I miss the Holy Spirit catches it. It's one thing to have someone who understands the system train you...there's such ease in how they do things...but come flying solo time...it's nothing but me and You Holy Spirit....

Soo...that's not really the revelation, it's just me getting my fingers warmed up and thought processes together. While working and conversating with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit...I remarked how lucky I was that I can run to Him because His love draws me and give me energy to sprint to Him...I thought about how i'd miss all this...then Jesus asked me..."How could I compete with all that was distracting you?"....Ding-ding-ding-DING!!!! That was it, miss busy body was involved in everything and I could not hear Him trying to talk to me..trying to guide me...oh How that hurts the most...that the One who loved me sooo much had been there all along...I ignored Him...I think this qualifies as "sweet sorrow" or "bitter-sweet"...realizing that it was till everything else was removed or I could not go further and getting rejection from schools I applied to and left wondering "what next"...he gave me my "burning bush" that caught my attention...and I know that as I draw nearer to Him...He lives in me and will reveal His will for my life....to that I SCREAM FROM MY ESSENCE "HALLELUJAH"....for no one know how to live "life" like Jesus...God created it...Jesus walked it...and the Spirit now guides me through it.

In To Me See

I've decided for the next 2 weeks to go on a fast..boldly coming before GOD and asking Him to Lead me to His heart...to show me His Glory...I search for real Intimacy(In-To-Me-See) with Him.

I'm a little scared about what I might discover but I know that there's more to Him than all I know. I need Him to establish me in Him. O how I desire to know Him, to be soo dependent on Him. To live and operate in the spirit at all times. To submit all areas of my life to His watch-care.

I pray that the questions in my heart are answered...Welcome to my journey :o)